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sen's blog
 
poems I've written, poems I haven't written but love, rare thoughts, and writing about writing.
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
together again
Posted:Nov 9, 2021 2:44 pm
Last Updated:Nov 11, 2021 7:02 am
8045 Views

the terrifying silence
crashes around
I'm afraid I will
be broken into pieces
that can't be put back
together again

I've done this before
pieced myself
together again
but I get so tired
of the fear that the
breaking will never end
3 Comments
Why there are cicadas - a tinnitus story
Posted:Nov 7, 2021 6:22 am
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2021 12:12 pm
6248 Views

Why there are cicadas - a tinnitus story
written November 1st, 2021

One day there was a small
who woke up in the night
to the sound of cicadas.
Her grown-up checks in on her.
The small doesn't talk very much.
She looks at the grown and rubs her ears.

Her grown-up asks, "Does the noise bother you?"
The small nods yes.
The small 's eyes ask...
Why is it there?
What does it mean?
Why does it never stop?

Her grown-up smiles and tells her...
Those are cicadas dear one
they knew that sometimes
you were lonely and afraid
so they came
hundreds of them
thousands of them
to keep you company
so you would never be alone.

If you wake
and wonder if you are safe
just listen for the cicadas.
I know they are loud sometimes
they just want to be sure
you know they are there
so relax in the sound
float in it knowing
you are not alone
and go back to sleep dear one.
7 Comments
Breathing space - poem and collage
Posted:Nov 4, 2021 12:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2021 6:02 am
8131 Views
Breathing space
written November 3rd, 2021

Space stretches
into the distance
I send my breath
towards you

soft like a breeze
tickling your hair
embracing you
pooling around you
making this space

for you
to be
to rest
to feel peace
a breathing space.
7 Comments
I am not an apology
Posted:Nov 1, 2021 7:32 am
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2021 10:28 am
7046 Views

I am not an apology
started June 9th, 2021

I wanted this poem
to be a song declaring
that I am not an apology
but I am not there yet

I feel like something born then broken
spending my life apologizing
for not being able to fix myself
for not being what people wanted

Trying to stave off danger and hurt
I hurl apologies at the world
and the people in it.
I am sorry for being me.
.
.
.
One day
I want to stand here
in all my broken glory
for the world to see
and not apologize.
5 Comments
My own four experiences with holes
Posted:Oct 6, 2021 9:16 am
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2021 12:37 pm
7600 Views

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.

—Portia Nelson, "Autobiography in Five Short Chapters"

My own four experiences with holes
written October 5th, 2021

1.
I walk down a road
I fall into a hole
This happens a few times
I stop walking down roads.

2.
I get tired of being stuck in one place
I decide to try again.
I walk down a road
A different road than before
I know holes can happen
I keep my eyes on my feet
Just in case.

3.
I walk down roads
I carefully keep a list
of roads with holes
It is always in my mind
Is this a safe road?
Will it be safe today?

4.
I walk down a road with a friend
I forget to check if it's a safe road
We are talking and laughing
Then I realize
This is that very first road
the one with that big hole.

Did we not notice and walk around it?
Did we float over it?
Is the hole gone?
Will it come back?

So many questions.
All I really know is
I am grateful for
the moments of not worrying about holes
while laughing with a friend.

------
My thoughts about the poem:
The outline of the original poem was in the back of my mind. All I remembered was the holes and eventually going around them. I wrote mine and then read the original. The original is pretty wonderful. I love analogies and this one just suited me for some of my experiences with ptsd triggers.
5 Comments
my body
Posted:Sep 24, 2021 2:25 pm
Last Updated:Oct 4, 2021 6:25 pm
7790 Views

my body
written September 24th, 2021

My body has been
the enemy for too long
now I want
to touch
to feel
to be friends with it.

I take off my dress
and lay back on the bed
my hands touching
my belly
my breasts
my skin.

My body is an expert
at not feeling
but today
I feel.
I tell myself
over and over
it is safe
this is safe
you are safe.

I breath and relax
pulling my knees up
letting my legs fall open
my hips relaxing into the bed
just laying
with my hands
on my breasts
feeling the air from the ceiling fan
move over my pussy
safe in my body.

My fingers slowly explore
the outer lips
the sparse hair
the fleshy lips.
My hand cups
my pussy
my lips
my clit.

I lay there
feeling my hand
on my pussy.
I say to myself
it is enough
and it is.
4 Comments
good girl - first time masturbating
Posted:Sep 24, 2021 2:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2021 3:13 pm
7821 Views

good girl - first time masturbating
written during
September 19th, 2021

I spread my legs for them, I feel shy, not used this. They sit quietly, not moving, and say, "Good girl."

I melt and have a physical response to those words. They smile at me, and wait.

I take a deep breath and lower my hand to my pussy. My fingers touch the lips, and again, they say, "Good girl."

I start to move my fingers, over my clit and lips, feeling the softness of the skin, the texture. Feeling the fine hair. I forget to watch them, as I get lost in my own pussy, until I hear them whisper, "Good girl."

Those words make my fingers press hard against my clit and they say, "Good girl, it is enough."
5 Comments
This body which is mine
Posted:Sep 14, 2021 3:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 15, 2021 12:00 pm
8288 Views

In the cave of the ear, the bones, like stars
at the solstice, sit upright and still,
listening in on the air as the muscle and blood
listen in on the skeleton.

—Robert Bringhurst, "The Song of Ptahhotep," Gift of Tongues

This body which is mine
written June 1st, 2021

For too long
my body has listened for
phantom danger coming my way
my body tensed waiting.

Now I am training myself
to listen to the sound
of my solid solitary bones
the soft drumming of my blood
rushing and cresting
in the shores of my body.

I listen as my muscles
stretch and contract
moving lungs and limbs
part of the symphony
coordinated by my brain.

I listen to my body
and learn to hear the beauty
the coordinated song
of muscle and blood
bones and brain
wrapped in my soft skin
the miracle of this body
which is mine.
5 Comments
floating and fleeing
Posted:Sep 11, 2021 5:45 am
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2021 12:07 pm
7800 Views

floating and fleeing
written August 13th, 2021

floating and fleeing
I spin through the air
my hair flying out
my head thrown back

spinning and teasing
my throat exposed
the graze of your teeth
catch me if you can

playing and following
far away from the world
until your hands
anchor me here and now

touching and caressing
each other.
3 Comments
Of me—Being
Posted:Sep 10, 2021 11:21 am
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2021 12:07 pm
8665 Views

Of me—Being
written August th, 2021

Usually I have
no time or place
floating in the ether
until I whisper
my name
in your ear.

For a brief moment I am
here and now
known
anchored to this
time and place
with you.

In the index of my life
this moment will be listed
as one of the rare
occurrences
of me—
Being.
4 Comments
My body mine
Posted:Sep 9, 2021 8:55 am
Last Updated:Sep 10, 2021 11:19 am
7832 Views

My body mine
written August th, 2021

I stand in the shower feeling
my hands on my body
the water on my hands
me in my body mine

my mind flies away
as it is so practiced in doing
1 time, 2 times, 26 times
I gently return

my mind back to my body
my body back to my hands
my hands back to the water
my presence back into my body

27 times and 28 times
until one day
however many times it takes
4 times or 1,238 times

I can stay here
with this body
that is
my body mine.
4 Comments
Touch me like the sun
Posted:Sep 7, 2021 7:57 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2021 1:03 pm
8059 Views

Only the sun will touch me.
-Amar El-Mohtar, "Zambian Honey", The Honey Month

Touch me like the sun
written August 21st, 2021

I dream of others
touching my skin
with hands gentle and hungry
with tongues wet and insistent
worshiping my breasts
reaching inside of me
until I am spread open
aching and joined with them.

Touch me
like the sun is now.
4 Comments
The world thrusts itself inside
Posted:Aug 13, 2021 6:41 am
Last Updated:Sep 8, 2021 10:16 am
9032 Views

I felt pain like an assault,
The old pain again
When the world thrusts itself inside,
when we have take in the outside

—May Sarton, "Night Watch," Collected Poems

The world thrusts itself inside
written June 26th, 2021

The world rages through me
I wrap my arms around
cradling this body amongst the
flowers torn, leaves shredded, plants uprooted

until the fury passes
peace descends on the broken
some breath and start to mend
others their decay feeds the new.

The world thrusts itself
inside each of us
tearing and stretching
throw your head back and rage

with the pain and agony
of growth made possible
by the world tearing open
body, heart, and mind.

I never grow used to this
brutal process,
I dip my fingers into
the holes made in our heart.

The world has its way with us
this relentless thrusting climax
until we spill out over everything
this our mark on the world.
4 Comments

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