Ego Vici Mundum
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Posted:Dec 3, 2018 6:41 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2018 5:38 pm
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I watched an episode of the Religion of Sports the other day that was about Iceland making it to the world cup (the smallest nation to ever do so) . Well it was half about that and half about a dude that was going to be a big time football player and then started having anxiety attacks and his career was ruined . That part was kind of a downer . For as progressive a place and Iceland seems to be they don't seem to have any tolerance of mental health issues at all . Or at least that's the way this show made it seem - who knows if it's accurate ?
It occurred to me that I don't know much about Iceland so I did some research today (in that I read wikipedia) here's some factoids .
Iceland is the only NATO member with no standing army
The only native land mammal is the arctic fox . Polar bears sometimes walk over from Greenland but just to visit . Yeah , walk because sometimes Iceland and Greenland are ice-sheeted together . Iceland and Greenland don't seem that close but that's because always looking at a flat map - maps really screw up our perception of the world which is as round as a porn stars fake tit .
Human habitation has ruined 75% of the island so badly nothing will grow there .
They practice commercial whaling - I wonder why Japan is the only country that gets the heat for killing whales . The Icelanders must keep it on the QT .
Renewable sources (geothermal and hydropower)provide all of Iceland's electricity , they're rated one of the greenest countries in the world . Apparently they have the capacity for TONs of geothermal energy but they don't bother because so few people live there . Right now England and Iceland are working on some kind of magic technology that would allow Iceland to hook them up with all the geothermal power you'd ever want . I tried to read about it - an electrical engineer I aint .
According to DNA shenanigans most of the male settlers of Iceland were Norse and most of the female were Gaels - you know , because of slavery . They have every citizen's genealogy in a database .
During their economic meltdown they had the largest mass emigration away from Iceland ever . . . . . 5000 people .
Their official language is Icelandic which is more like Norse than any other language . On the show I watched everyone spoke English - I wonder if that's actually common there or if they sought out English speakers for the show .
They have universal healthcare and there are no private hospitals . They are among the world's healthiest people . Almost all women choose to terminate pregnancies of with Down syndrome in Iceland . Which is a weird thing to report but I guess is a thing I never thought about before .
The amount of toxic materials in the atmosphere is far lower than in any other industrialized country measured .
Iceland is one of the top 3 countries for women to live in , is liberal with regard to LGBT rights issues and is one of the most secular countries in the world . Apparently these are common attributes of Nordic countries - what's different (allegedly) is that Iceland is all about individuality and self reliance whereas the other Nordic lands are more about community and togetherness .
Generally sounds like a pretty good place to live until you find out the average high temperate in summer is 55 Fahrenheit (which they don't use of course) . The food looks pretty grim too .
Back in olden times a bubonic plague killed a bunch of people - and I mean a BUNCH . I still thought it was pretty deadly but I was wrong , with treatment survival rate now is 90% . Anyway , it's not something you think about much but I started reading a book about it and there's a couple chapters about how of the many things that happened due to 30-60% of the population dying off one of them was there were a bunch of orphans running around all of a sudden .
For most of these orphans you had three choices - die of starvation , become a or become a thief .
We can discard the first option right off . At first it seems like thief is the way to go but then you realize that most thieves didn't last long . A good 30% of them were caught and hung on the first caper and very few of them made it more than a few . So you think is the way to go . But then you think , sure you get to live longer that way but what kind of quality of live is sucking cocks every day ? So then you swing back to thief - at least that way you have a chance to live a life without getting buggered all the time .
I guess what saying is that glad not a Genoese orphan in 1347 .
The other day I was talking to my pal Dat Snatch and I was saying my usual 40deuce straw nihilistic BS about how the US really isn't much different from a dictatorship because really the only choice we have is between two people chosen by an entrenched elite class that is enforced by military strength but after thinking about it a while I realized that Trump being elected is kind of a good thing . Because it shows that someone "they" don't want can slip in . Granted it was another rich person but still , it shows that things are as bad as I think - it IS possible for someone outside the system to make it through .
The question becomes then though , are there rich people that aren't horrible ? My instinct tells me that if you became rich it's probably because you did many horrible things and if you were born rich you're probably insane .
So let's say we're in some kind of fantasy world where there's no political parties and you can just pick from whichever rich person you want . Is there anyone that comes to mind as a rich person you really think is a good person and should be in charge of anything ?
Warren Buffet is the name some people have tossed out there but I don't know anything about him other than that he's good at making money through investment . Is that a reason to like him ? I mean I know it is in America because that's our whole thing , but I mean in the real sense .
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A Mariah Carey Christmas
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Posted:Dec 1, 2018 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 14, 2020 2:22 pm
93726 Views
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A while back I mentioned that Guinness had declared Mariah Carey to be the Songbird Supreme . Y'all acted like that was no big deal . You brought this on yourselves .
The Songbird Supreme came out with an album called E=MC2 in 2008 . She claims it stands for (E) Emancipation (=) equals (MC) Mariah Carey to the second power . For purposes of this discussion it is assumed she meant to call it E=(MC) squared , since squaring just the Carey part would be silly . Without knowing the quantitative value of Mariah Carey (Q) we cannot know what her bringing herself to the second power accomplished . Did it increase her , decrease her , or have no change ? The question has now become a vital key to understanding the consequences of her changed Q-value and navigating past the resulting singularity .
The most likely hypothesized outcome is that there was no change in her value due to Q-values of 1 or 0 . 1 is thought to be a likely Q-value due to Mariah Carey being , based on all known evidence, a single person . The result Q=0 is supported by two arguments , one , put forward by the irrelevantist school is that assigning numeric values to human beings is irrelevant and/or stupid so 0 is the only coherent solution . The othe r, favored by the Mariah Sucks school , is that Q=0 on the grounds that she has 0 talent . While Q values of 1 and 0 are interchangeable here , they become distinct if Mariah Carey is able to perform some other function on herself such as multiplication or a logarithm where the distinction is non-trivial .
0<Q<1 is in many ways the least frightening Q-value as it leads to a contraction of Mariah Carey . Sadly , hypotheses for this outcome are sketchy at best . The best being that Mariah Carey's career , especially its amazing ability to rebound from such debacles as Glitter , imply she has made some sort of deal with a satanic power or possibly a member of the House of The 1000 Year Night for a portion of her soul , thus lowering her Q-value . Most who deal with this problem think this is patently ridiculous and it is most strongly opposed by those in the Dualist school .
Q>1 is the most frightening of all solutions as it implies that Mariah Carey has increased her Q-value and those unknown consequences (known as the Mariah Carey Singularity) are completely unpredictable . The main hypotheses for this solution are as follows .
The Talent school suggest that because Mariah Carey is so awesome , she must have a Q-value higher than those of regular people . This presupposes that people normally have a Q-value of 1 , but this is not necessary , as the next hypothesis shows . Supporters of this hypothesis in general fervently oppose the Mariah Sucks camp .
The Fanboy school has a similar argument but based on hotness instead of talent . Supporters of this hypothesis in general watch her music videos over and over , so don't have time to oppose anyone .
The Dualist school believe all people have Q-values greater than 1 due to the human soul having its own additional Q-value . Generally assumed to be equal to the personal Q-value leading to an aggregated Q-value (AQ-value) of 2 , though AQ-values of 3 or greater are not ruled out .
The Autoquantizing school believe that one's Q-value is directly related to what one thinks their own Q-value should be , thus those with high self- worth would have higher Q-values than those who don't . The Celebrity Corollary states that Mariah Carey , as a famous person would thus have a higher than average Q-value , which presumably would lead to the solution Q>1 .
The Fictionalist school believes that Q-values are made up values and thus Q=bi . What a transition from a complex number to a negative number means is best left up to other mathematicians , philosophers , or FanGirls and is not germane to this discussion .
The Economist train of thought sets the value of MC according to her net worth , around 250 million . If we square her value, we learn that emancipation's value is set at $262,500,000,000,000,000 . What exactly a square-dollar actually might be is still up to debate . While there is some validity behind this system , there are quirks to using it .
First of all , the system would mean that everyone's value was a constantly changing variable , and thus any attempts to put a value on Mariah are immediately discredited . Secondly , it defines that all people's values are defined by money , which means that Mariah Carey's value is significantly higher than anyone else's , which isn't necessarily true . Thirdly , if the value of emancipation is equal to Mariah Carey's net worth squared, adjusted for inflation , emancipating the slaves in 1863 would have cost around $3,628,700,543,322,582.00 at the time, and with the currency at the time being backed by the gold standard , adjusted for the price of gold of the time , it would have taken about 7,509,727,945,618 pounds of gold to emancipate the slaves . If we put stock in this view , one must wonder how Lincoln managed to pay to emancipate the slaves . Although it can also be argued that since Mariah Carey did not exist in 1863 she also did not have a net worth .
This would mean that emancipating the slaves should have been free . Since history books everywhere tell us this is not the case this leads to a few interpretations . Firstly , instead of an ever-changing variable , her net worth should be chosen from a specific point in time ; which point is not known . Secondly , there were other factors in play during the civil war , which would imply that E=MC^2 is a simplification of another more complex equation . Lastly , it could mean some kind of cover-up by the House of The 1000 Year Night . Of course , this all implies that for the purposes of dimensional analysis and natural units, $1=1 at both the present time and the Civil War era ; if this is different or changing , even the simple E=MC2 becomes much more complicated due to the effects of special relativity and time dilation .
The very small Negativist school hypothesizes that the Q-value must be negative , because pop culture has such a negative effect . That would suggest that squaring it would make it become positive , thus -1<Q<0 has the same net effect as 0<Q<1; Q<-1, 1<Q . The even smaller Elvis Costello school shares this belief , but for the reason that they believe everything to be "Less than Zero" (Costello 1977)
Finally the Strangist school believe that due to the weird behavior of Mariah Carey , the Q-value must be irrational . This school does not actually have a particular position on what it is per se , just that it must be irrational . Strangist Dualists tend to favor a value of root 2 or root 3 , Fictionalist Strangists tend to advocate ei , while Strangist Fanboys tend to advocate "THE ROOT OF A GOOGELPLEX +1" which is strange not because of the value itself , but both because Googol is misspelled and because the square root of a googolplex , plus one or no , is rationa l. "THE ROOT OF IN PARENTHESES A GOOGELPLEX +1" however , is perfectly irrational .
Of course, some people say simply that the amount of letters in her name (squared) is the answer .
It is possible that squaring only the C is correct , if she secretly married someone else named Carey and became Mariah Carey-Carey . If that is the case , then the rest of this article is meaningless mathematical gibberish . However, the equation becomes E=M(C2)? E=MC^2 in turn means Emancipation= Mariah Carey CArey CaRey CarEy CareY (that's just representative , since you can't properly write in acrostic here) . Unless it's like squaring a fraction, where the MC is to be taken as two parts of a whole . . . lets just burn the album covers and rewrite all the labels . It would be easier and less mentally torturous .
In Matlab syntax and probably in a whole bunch of other mathematical software , any string of letters and certain other characters counts as a single variable . If you type "mc^2" in Matlab , they will assume you mean exactly what Mariah Carey intended : mc to the second power . Unless you write it out properly , since MC is a shorthand notation of (M×C) .
This of course raises the question - is Mariah Carey equal to the multiplication of her two names ?
To solve this problem, the value of E (Emancipation) must first be analyzed . Wikipedia defines emancipation as "a term used to describe various efforts to obtain equality" Which means that emancipation is not so much a number , as it is an operation . There are two fairly simple operations which will always produce the same result regardless of the input value: x*0 and x^0 .
To begin, let's assume that E=(x*0), then E=0 and so either (MC)^2=0 or M(C^2)=0 1 2 3
Next , let's assume that E=(x^0), then E=1 , meaning either (MC)^2=1 or M(C^2)=1 . In the first case , that means that MC=1 . However , since E=1 for all x, that means that (Mariah Carey)=(Anything Else). This supports a very Egalitarian point of view .
The first case could also mean that MC=-1 . Would that make her a Nobody or just evil ? If the latter , this leads to the theory that a person can be either entirely good or entirely evil .
In the second case, that means that M(C^2)=1 , therefore , Mariah=1/(Carey^2) suggesting she is the inverse of her family raised to the second power . What exactly this means is open to interpretation .
Since emancipation was proclaimed true on Jan 1, 1863 , we can apply Boolean logic to get MC^2 == true != 0 . Thus, E == (MC)^2 != 0 . But since the entire world exists inside Instrumentality, we know that Mariah Carey is imaginary . So (MC)^2 < 0 , which means that we have negative emancipation . Is this bad or good ? Must Mariah Carey exist for us to have an egalitarian society ? Truly a disturbing philosophical question .
Previous investigations have limited themselves to the case of MC being a real or complex number : however empirical examinations suggest that MC (like most pop stars) is not nearly as real or complex as often thought , and may in fact be simple . There is abundant evidence that MC is a member of the Tits group .
A subgroup , some would say cult , of the Mariah Sucks school calling themselves "Physicists" refuse to accept that Mariah came up with the formula E=MC2 . Their hatred and loathing runs so deep that they have instigated a worldwide conspiracy to hide the truth , a conspiracy that reaches deep into our society and to the highest echelons of power .
The Physicists proclaim that E=MC2 was not the product of Mariah's deep intellectual insight but was instead developed by their leader , Albert Einstein , allegedly deceased . Their frankly preposterous view is that in the formula E represents energy, M represents mass and C represents the speed of light . Simple inspection of this view reveals how preposterous it is , only the truly mental would use C for the speed of light , as any sane person would obviously use L .
Unfortunately the Physicists have been phenomenally successful in spreading their lies . However , they have created a momentous problem for themselves . Since so many now believe in the Physicists' twisted version of the formula the Physicists are now required to prove their deluded rantings are true . As this would require demonstrating some form of Mass - Energy equivalency it is clearly impossible .
The Physicists' desire to prove their version of the formula to be true has resulted in them developing ever more monstrous machines in their drive to square the circle . The latest risks ripping holes in the very fabric of space and time and spewing forth the demons of hell onto the Franco-Swiss border . The Physicists try to gloss over these risks and claim that even if it did occur the French military is fully up to the job of handling the situation , which is absurd in its own right .
With each passing generation the Physicists' lies become more and more ingrained . A few of us continue to preserve the true meaning of The Formula and seek out the value of Q . Our numbers continue to dwindle . Some have said that only the discovery of Q is capable of demonstrating to the masses the wool the Physicists have pulled over their eyes and freeing them from the tyranny . They state that this is the true Emancipation that Mariah foresaw .
A radical new approach is to separate the "squared" from the equation . It's an album and therefore comes in a squared case . Then , realize that , counting the space between her first name and surname , there are twelve characters . There are twelve characters in emancipation , as well . Hence we have solved the cipher .
A little simple algebraic manipulation reveals the truth - namely that the root of emancipation is , in fact , Mariah Carey . Its current formulation is to rule out the possibility of negative Mariah Carey being the root of emancipation . This could mean that Abraham Lincoln is Mariah Carey .
This research is still ongoing and any who have additional new information about Mariah Carey or relating to general human Q-value knowledge are encouraged to post it here .
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Remember when Livvie Lock Made a deal with the Avatar to get pregnant ?
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Posted:Nov 30, 2018 5:03 pm
Last Updated:Dec 1, 2018 11:13 am
93681 Views
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I do
When I went to vote I couldn't find my registration card ( also not sure where me SS card is) so I went up the voting bosses and the lady there says to me she says "FIRST lets make sure you're in the right place" and when she confirmed that I was indeed in the right place she was flabbergasted . not sure she believed it .
I guess I really look like the kind of person who goes to the wrong voting place . That's my look .
The days were I maintained multiple blogs are long gone , you know because SO busy ALL the time , but once in a great while I do still post on a blog I have where I explain to wrestling people how the real world works .
I will now repost here because lazy and I KNOW there's at least two people that will read it .
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (other than the one we all live under - the moon) you know today is a very important day in America .
Yes , today is the 10-year anniversary of Christopher Daniels winning the X-Division Championship by defeating Chris Sabin and AJ Styles in a Three-Way Dance at an Impact Wrestling taping in Florida .
Somewhat less importantly but still noteworthy today is also the US Midterm Elections , which could drastically alter the political landscape for the global superpower/laughingstock known as the United States of America .
But what exactly are the midterm elections ? Let me smarten you up brother brother .
Think of the Mid-term Elections like a WWE Superstar Shake-Up : there will still be a Raw (red) team and a Smackdown (blue) team afterward , but only the US voters will decide which superstars main-event -per-views and which ham-and-eggers jerk the curtain at inconsequential house shows .
Why are the US Mid-term Elections happening now ?
WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump has now been “president” for two , even though he has not shaved the head of a single political nemesis (and his closest ally , Vladimir Putin , isalready bald).
In the Mid-Term Elections , Americans will not vote for Trump - just as the majority of them did not do so two ago - but they will instead vote for members of the House of Representatives and the Senate , collectively known as Congress .
Think of the House of Representatives like the Raw roster and the Senate as the Smackdown roster and Congress as the entire locker room of WWE Superstars .
Currently,both houses are controlled by the Republican Party , which is basically the McMahon family except somehow with even more low-brow .
The Mid-term Elections could transfer some power to the Democratic Party - which , depending on your viewpoint , is either the inspirational Daniel Bryan of politics fighting against the odds to restore decency and equality , or the immoral Val Venis of politics , abusing women in the basement of a pizza restaurant .
What’s at stake ?
Remember when Donald Trump was put in charge of the WWE for a week and stock prices plummeted and chaos ensued and the company had to immediately backpedal and claim it was all just an angle ?
Think of the Mid-term Elections as an opportunity for an entire country to do the same .
How are winners and losers decided ?
Remember when you voted for which type of weapon you wanted to see used in the match between Kane and Snitsky at Taboo Tuesday and you voted for “Lead Pipe” but the majority of votes went to “Steel Chain” but it didn’t really matter because Snitksy ended up using a steel chair to win the match , irregardless of what the votes determined ?
It’s like that .
So what does voting actually determine ?
Unlike polls on the WWE app, this election actually kind of matters .
Democrats hope to win a majority of seats (or “segments”) by in the House of Representatives by convincing the American public (or “bookers”) that their "storylines" will be the most “over” with America.
The election will determine the fate of all 435 seats , which is basically like the Pro Wrestling Illustrated Top 500 of American politics , but there aren’t enough “workers” in politics to make a full list of 500 .
Democrats to claim 23 seats from the Republicans to win the house , which is entirely possible , considering Knox County Mayor Kane Jacobs-Bearer has singlehandedly eliminated 44 opponents from the Royal Rumble , which is a decidedly more difficult task .
In the Senate , 35 out of 100 seats are being contested . Think of it like spots on the main roster , with 35 members of NXT waiting for their chance to knock some past-his-prime relic onto the indy scene .
So who is going to win ?
Who knows what the American public will do at the polls ? Much like wrestling fans who still chant “What ?!” they are not known for their intelligence or progressive views .
Who should I vote for ?
The greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time the Honky Tonk Man
Thank you , and god bless America
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Frankenstein VS Dracula VS Mr. Darcy
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Posted:Nov 27, 2018 5:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2018 4:42 pm
93483 Views
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Let's say you buy a pair of socks . You take on sock and lightly irradiate it . You put the pair of socks into your normal sock rotation . Then , after a year you measure how radioactive your feet are . Do you think it would be roughly the same or would one foot have been more exposed ? Do we subconsciously tend to put one sock in a pair on a particular foot ? How many times in a row do you think you've put a particular sock on the same foot ?
As you all know I've never seen the Wizard of Oz , but it's in the culture enough that I know the story . At the end the "wizard" is revealed to be a shoe salesman from Dayton , Ohio but he still gives the 4 brave companions their wishes .
The Scarecrow wishes to be smart so the "wizard" gives him a Harvard diploma . Let's dissect that a little . First of all that doesn't make you smart , that just sort of gives you the opportunity to make people think you're smart . But really it doesn't even do that because it's not his name on the diploma . Did the Scarecrow even have a name ? I guess the idea is he can tell people that's his name ? But what good is a Harvard diploma in Oz anyway ? The Oozians don't know or care what Harvard is or isn't . Do they even have a education system ?
So what ? Is the Scarecrow supposed to come to our world and try to get a job ? Because I don't see that going well Harvard diploma or not . Also I feel like Harvard would quickly establish that a sentient Scarecrow did not in fact graduate from their university . What would even happen if a Scarecrow man from another dimension came here ? People would freak out obviously but after that is there really any use for a dude made of straw and gunnysacks ? He's resistant to blunt force trauma , there's probably a use for that .
What's his deal anyway ? Is he magic or what ? What's the backstory ? Like if he shows up is everyone like "oh , I guess magic is real" ? What would the religious people say about it ? I assume he never gets old or sick or anything so that would be something . Maybe he'd be a good historian - in the sense that he's technically immortal so at least he was around for a lot of stuff .
The Lion wanted courage so I assume the "wizard" gave him an assault rifle - that seems to put steel in people's spines .
What I don't know is what he gave the tin woodsman who wanted emotions . There's really nothing you can do there right ? I mean no matter how good a salesman you are what are you going to tell someone about having no emotions ?
Yesterday was Leonardo DiCaprio's 44th birthday , sneaky old that guy - I never would have guessed he was older than me . In honor of this event I will now review his biggest movies -
What's Eating Gilbert Grape - Never saw it
The Quick and the Dead - It was an okay Western , it leaned pretty heavily on "the protagonist is a woman ! isn't that crazy ! " but hey it was 1995 what do you want ? Pretty by the books stuff but not bad .
The Basketball Diaries - Never saw it
Romeo and Juliet - Never saw it
Marvin's Room - Never saw it
Titanic - Never saw it
The Man in the Iron mask - Never saw it
The Beach - Never saw it
Catch Me if You Can - Never saw it
Gangs of New York - Never saw it
The Aviator - Never saw it
The Departed - Never saw it
Blood Diamond - Never saw it
Body of Lies - Never saw it
Revolutionary Road - Never saw it
Shutter Island - Never saw it
Inception - This was a pretty good movie that I don't remember him being in . I actually don't remember any of the actors except the from 3rd Rock and the Ken Watanabe . Oh , and the chick from Juno - they made a big deal about that and then she was barely in the movie and did jack shit . I downgrade this movie somewhat because people went a little too gaga over it . The whole dream thing isn't that insane . I put it in the same category as the Matrix - it's pretty good but people give it way too much credit for blowing their minds . I think a lot of people are easily blown . I remember the part at the end where the never turn to face camera really freaked me out after a while . Not sure why exactly but the fact that you never saw their faces really creeped me .
J Edgar - Never saw it
Great Gatsby - Never saw it
Wolf of Wall Street - never saw it
The Revenant - I've had it on DVR for over a year and I do want to see it , but who has time ? I'm not one of those people that seems weirdly proud about having a shitty attention span but I will admit that sitting down at home to watch a movie doesn't appeal to me so much . Going to a movie , sure , that's a thing , but when I'm at home two hours seems like too much laying around .
40 you watch movies all the time , you admitting to watching Wrath of Khan like twice a month .
Counterpoint - shut up .
I never realized until now now many of Leo's movies I haven't seen - and he's a pretty bankable star . Part of it is probably because one of my friends hates him for some reason but in general he just must not make the kind of movies I like . There are a lot of people that seem to hate Leo but I'm not sure why . People hate Tom Cruise because he's super Scientology-ee but what's the issue with Leo ? I guess he is kind of Hollywood -douchey .
The best thing ever on Carpool Karaoke is the entire Adele episode but the second best thing is the Jennifer Lopez episode where Corden gets a hold of her phone and is texting Leo . The idea of Leo and J-Lo palling around and going clubbing just tickles me . What could they possibly have in common ?
If the media has taught me anything it's that celeb that hang out always bang at some point - and I tell you what that's a sex tape I'd pay to see . Sure , mostly for J-Lo , but the dude has grossed more than 5 billion at the box office - that's got to be worth something . Also I feel like Leo has either a comically small or an impressively large unit for some reason .
It would hands down be the biggest celebrity sex tape ever . I mean since most of them are "celebrity" sex tapes . What's the competition ? Paris Hilton - nobody - and some rando ? C-Listers Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee ? Leo and J-Lo would destroy that noise .
Paris Hilton admitted her sex tape was all a planned hype machine but what was the story with Pammy and Tommy ? How did that come about ? You can't sell a "movie" of someone without their permission right ? Putting it on the internet is one thing , but AVN or someone was selling the actual tape - so that means they had to be on board right ? I mean who owns the right to a sex tape ? Is Tommy Lee still alive or did he die of a staph infection yet ?
Sometimes when I get sad I think that there was a time when Pam Anderson and Rock were married and that time is over and then I feel better .
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Dr. Laurence J. Peter
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Posted:Nov 24, 2018 12:27 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2018 2:31 pm
93665 Views
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I've always wondered why every place I've worked has been horrible and dysfunctional , it turns out that a Canadian dude already wrote a book about this in 1968 .
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. In time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties . Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence .
This checks out 100% . Which is why companies have to execute massive layoffs ever few years . It's like a forest fire , ever so often you need to clear out the deadwood and start anew .
Sidenote it sounds like this Deadwood movie is finally happening . Not sure how I feel about that .
When people in a sufficiently large hierarchy are promoted because of their competence , the end result will tend to put everyone into a position for which they are not competent .
The cream will rise until it sours .
When Alice is competent in her position , she will be promoted to another position because of her competence . Alice may or may not be competent at that new position . If she is incompetent , then she will become ineligible for promotion and stay put ; she will be kept in that position indefinitely , even if there are other positions in the hierarchy which may suit her skills .
The workers who are competent will keep being promoted for as long as they are competent and there are open slots above ; they will be promoted out of the positions they are competent in but kept in the position they fail at . Since the only way to stay in a position below the top of the hierarchy indefinitely is to be incompetent , the hierarchy will eventually stabilize into an that is mostly incompetent .
This often results when the skills required to do a job well are very different from those required to manage people doing that job , from the military to education to sales . A classic example is a teacher being promoted into a principal - two jobs that require vastly different skill sets , yet the latter is one of the few obvious career paths for the former .
I jokingly suggested this weekend that the NCAA should start having collegiate MMA and several people thought that was a great idea . That's where we're at as a society .
I am generally attracted only to age appropriate ladies as you all remember from my horrified post when I found out how old Kate Upton was - which was stupid in retrospect because she's a model , why did I think she WASN'T in her 20s ? But I tell you this , that chick that plays Alicia on the Fear the Walking Dead is pretty cute .
As you all know I quit watching Walking Dead a few seasons back when it went all "Lost" on me but I did like Morgan so when I heard he was going over to "Fear" I checked it out and liked it . Except the season finale was lame . I liked the idea of them meeting up with the "prime" Walking Dead story and what might happened there and that's what they were setting up . But then in the last three minutes of the finale they were all like "nah , let's just stay here and not do that" . Talk about anti-climatic . Seriously , talk about it right now .
Sometimes I think I shouldn't criticize what I perceive to be bad writing because what have I ever written that was worth anything ? But then I remember this stuff is made for me (and everyone else) to criticize so it would be wrong if I didn't .
You know what's weird ? The Star Wars prequels came out and were horrible but no one stopped liking Star Wars . But now they're coming out with new movies , some of which are great and people are deciding they hate Star Wars . I guess because if you make a pile of shit like Attack of the Clones it's easy for people to just ignore it and still like Star Wars . But if you make a movie that people hate for no reason I can figure out like Last Jedi then people are forced to deal with it .
People are saying there"soooo many Star Wars movies now" because they made 4 movies in 4 years ? That seems fine to me . I'd like a Star Wars movie ever year . But now that's all on hold because everyone hated Solo so much even though it was a fine movie .
It is mildly annoying that they've been announcing Star Wars TV shows for more than a decade now and none of them have happened . Right now Disney claims to have at least 4 Star Wars TV shows in production . Are they all going to be on at the same time ? That does seem like a bit much .
They're going to make a prequel to Rogue One which is already a prequel of sorts .
They're going to do Star Wars Underworld which is during the Empire and is Space Sopranos .
They're going to do The Mandolorian which is after Jedi and is a Space Western I assume like Firely .
And then some kind of thing about Yoda maybe .
In case you were wondering here's the ranking of the Star Wars movies per Rotten Tomatoes -
Empire Strikes Backs
Star Wars/Force Awakens (ironic that they're tied since they're basically the same movie)
The Last Jedi (surprisingly high since it "killed the franchise" )
Rogue One
Return of the Jedi
Revenge of the Sith
Solo
Attack of the Clones
Phantom Menace
That's pretty close to the 40 rankings bu Solo is WAY better than Revenge of the Sith .
Sometimes fanbases are or appear to be , perennially complaining not just about minute details of the canon , but about everything . This sometimes relates to fake fannishness : some people just don't like a piece of fiction , yet insist on consuming it so they can complain .
A possible sign of an Unpleasable Fanbase is a Morton's Fork : if they complain about one thing and the people behind the franchise listen and change it , this leads to other parts of the fanbase complain about the change . This is because , in extremely large fandoms , different portions of the fandom complain about distinctly different things , so that any change (and in particularly bad cases , any lack of change) will inevitably anger someone .
Basically , this is about a fanbase which is so varied and divided in opinion that it's impossible to give everyone in it what they want .
While this has been a problem for any media with a sufficiently large fanbase (you simply cannot please all of the people all of the time) in the Internet Era it takes on a new dimension when even a small minority can make their opinions heard . It's enough to make an author want to give up .
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Settling the great nerd debate
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Posted:Nov 23, 2018 8:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2018 4:54 pm
93582 Views
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Some people out there love the Back to the Future franchise , so much so that some claim that it is the best movie trilogy ever . Which is obviously insane . The first back to the future was okay , the sequels were weak-ass . But nevertheless I am here today to settle the number one controversy about the film . In BTF2 Doc explains how a different timeline has been created by Biff and his sports Almanac - but then the whole different timeline thing is immediately ignored and they go "back" to the way things were . But really they didn't . And that's the point .
We are living in the original timeline , they are not . Want proof ? Jaws 19 was supposed to be released on October 15th 2015 and it wasn't - not in this timeline anyway .
Solved . The end .
I travel to other timelines sometimes just to watch movies . Here's the rest of the franchise if you're curious .
Jaw$ (1988 ): Matt Hooper tries to stop shark hunting in Southeast Asia but finds himself at the mercy of relentless South Korean businessmen . Directed by Oliver Stone .
Jaws 6 (1989): Bruce is hired to protect a party boat . Notable for the 30 minute sex scene which was edited just enough to give the film an R rating .
Jaws 7 (1990): Sharks have hacked into the Internet with the help of Somalian pirates and Nigerian princes . The sharks are betrayed and with the help of a scientist , the sharks launch a massive counter-attack with the aid of cybernetic organisms .
Jaws 8 (1993): Terror comes to Tel Aviv as a field test of Japanese robotic sharks goes haywire . Notable for setting up the climactic showdown of Godzilla vs. Jaws , featuring Mechagodzilla .
Jaws 9 (1995): Chief Brody's grandson assembles a team of superhuman shark hunters to take down an old enemy . Directed by John Woo .
Jaws 10 (1996): Bruce the shark combats another hidden sea creature within the depths of the waters with the authorities trying to eliminate both creatures' existence . Hailed as critics to be one of the better sequels of the franchise along with Jaws 2 . Directed by James Cameron .
Jaws 11 (1997): A joint NASA-ESA mission to Europa takes a turn for the worse when a sentient race of sharks is discovered underneath the ice moon . Directed by Paul Verhoeven who went on to direct a faithful adaptation of Starship Troopers .
Jaws 12 (1998 ): The prequel, showing the early days of Quint and the fateful voyage of the USS Indianapolis . Intended to be Michael Bay's big debut as a director but the critical flop caused him to sink away to being a music video director .
Jaws 12, Part 2 (1998 ): A tiger shark is terrorizing the coast of Havana , with Quint being the only one who can stop it . Notable for being Roger Corman's final film before he quit Hollywood .
Jaws 14 (2000): Bruce the shark gives up his man-hunting ways when he meets a female hammerhead shark . Directed by little-known LA playwright Tommy Wiseau .
Jaws 15 (2001): A Russian shark named Ivan Sharkovsky is brought to New York for a showdown with Bruce . Oscar-winning script from Bryan Singer . Critics hail this sequel as the "second best Jaws movie out there".
Jaws 16 (2003): Bruce the shark terrorizes the sewers of New York City in an attempt to stalk and hunt down Jon Brody . The film is notable for taking references from the 1989 horror flick "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan". The underperformance of the film ended up killing the career of Matthew Broderick (like he killed those people in Ireland) and put the franchise on ice for eight years .
Jaws 17: Fifty Scales of Grey (2011): Bruce begins an intimate relationship with a naive college student . Portions of the film were adapted from the erotic novel , "Fifty Shades of Grey" which would adapted in 2015 by the same studio , Universal Pictures .
Jaws Origins (2014): The Reboot, winning back audiences with stunning realism and Oscar-winning performances from Chris Pratt as Brody , Jennifer Lawrence as Hooper , and Michael Keaton as Quint . Directed by The Coen Brothers and Robert Rodriguez , though there is a lot of controversy over who should get directing credit .
Jaws 19: The oceans are disappearing due to Koch-Trump International's greed . The sharks join forces with their human allies to take back their home , culminating in an epic battle involving submarines .
Numerous spin-offs were released as well including Godzilla vs. Jaws , a crossover episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation and the Jaws Christmas Special .
Fads come and go by definition , remember fidget spinners ? Of course not , that's the point . But there's a fad from my childhood that's worth revisiting - Big Johnson t-shirts . When I was in junior high these things were everywhere . And we have to ask ourselves - why were parents buying these things for their ? Maybe some of them "didn't get it" but it wasn't a subtle subversive commentary , it was pretty clear what the deal was . And yet somehow everyone decided that these shirts were totally fine for . I know in my school it got to the point where they were banned for a while but the parents went crazy and there were threats of a lawsuit and the ban was lifted . What the heck was going on ?
In case you have forgotten here's some of the classic "Big Johnson" apparel from back in the day -
Big Johnson ATVs - She'll love it on all fours
Big Johnson Bar and Casino - Liquor up front , Poker in the rear
Big Johnson Fire Department - Break out your hose and pumper
Big Johnson Tequila - Lick , suck and swallow , never mind the salty taste
One fun thing I like to do is image for a lady out there what guys she might encounter that are worse then me . And I think a good one is a dude that not only still has Big Johnson t-shirts but collects and displays them - and is VERY obsessed about the rare ones that he doesn't have yet .
"Sorry babe , I can't go to your cousin's wedding this weekend , I'm driving to Carbondale to meet this dude who's going to sell me a first printing Big Johnson Landscaping for 500 bucks ."
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The problem with making love to gremlins
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Posted:Nov 21, 2018 7:05 pm
Last Updated:Nov 23, 2018 7:46 am
94072 Views
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The other day someone asked me what my favorite Christmas movie is and I said Scrooged because it is my favorite Christmas movie but coming in a close second is Gremlins (Die Hard is third) . That movie was pretty hardcore when you were a , in fact along with Temple of Doom it's one of the reasons they invented the PG-13 rating . But when you get a little older naturally your attitude towards the gremlins changes a little . At a certain point you want to get busy with a gremlin . And why wouldn't you ? They've got confidence , style , class , they're not afraid to rough up Zach Galligan , and they love to party - what's not to like ?
But there's a real problem with making sweet , sweet gremlin love that I realized today . You and your gremlin lady and laying on a polar bearskin run in front of a roaring fire , you got Peter Gabriel playing on your sweet , sweet sound system and things are going great . And then WHAM !!! Suddenly more gremlins start literally popping out of that sweet , sweet gremlin vag .
You can't get gremlins wet . You know what happens when they get wet .
"So" you scoff " a straight lady or a gay man , there's going to be no gremlin vag in my fantasy - I just want that gremlin dick yo ."
Okay bigshot imagine you're going down on a handsome strapping gremlin - your saliva on his junk ? WHAM !!! Gremlins popping off in your mouth !!! So fine you're a selfish lover and you don't bother going down on your gremlin fuckbuddy - what do you think happens when he inserts himself in you ? Unless you're into dry boning things aren't going to work out .
It's sad .
Related topic , say you hate gremlins and to make sure there won't be anymore of them you want to kill Gizmo . If you take at him with an ax is that going to create more mogwis ? You know because of the blood ? Does that count as getting them "wet" ? To be on the safe side you should probably strangle . Although there's no reason to believe he's the only mogwi out there .
In the movie did any of the gremlins get "wet" with blood ? I know the mom ground one up in the blender and another got microwaved but was there blood ? I haven't seen that movie in decades . I should rewatch it and settle his blood debate .
You know what would be a good cross over - Gremlins and Aliens .
I'd like to start a comic about a gentleman porcupine from another world where animals are anthropomorphized . Please draw me a porcupine-man in a fancy suit . Here's a shockingly nude porcupine man to help you get started .
When I was a my least favorite thing about the holidays (not a fan in general) was when my grandma would make us all stand up and say what were were thankful for . Being an ungrateful jerk who also doesn't like humoring people this was tough for me .
But here's something to think about tomorrow .
People have always been mildly obsessed withe end of the world apocalyptic visions . But the reality is that there's probably not a cataclysm that would end us as a species . Throughout human history there's a plague , a famine , a war that causes plague and famine - all kinds of bad shit . And what occurs afterwards is interesting .
Consider the Toba event . Sometime within the last 100,000 a volcanic eruption killed most humans . The worldwide population dwindled to about the number of Charger fans . And now , not that long afterwards in historical terms , there's billions upon billions of humans and we're about to land a spacecraft on Mars .
This is the legacy of humanity and we don't take enough time to appreciate it . Apocalyptic media presents a world where the instant the wifi goes out people revert to a man-against-man Purge-style orgy of violence and destruction where people tear each other to pieces even as they die of an alien virus or run from zombies .
But in our real history this has happened . Many times . Left without government or laws or trade or anything that we "" to survive what happens is not people tearing each other apart but cooperation . When everything crumbles we rebuild it .
I mentioned to my buddy Lickem Aid the other day that a good horror movie would be a world overrun by zombies who have to deal with an outbreak of the living . Imagine these poor bastards having to deal with us - faster , smarter , capable of organization and strategy , able to build tools that would appear as nothing short of magic to their rotting brains . Imagine the horror the zombies would experience upon being confronted with firearms - the living just point at you and you die ! Not to mention nuclear weapons .
It doesn't matter if you believe in vampires or werewolves or the booger man or what have you - because even if they were real they wouldn't stand a chance . We as people have always been much greater than our parts .
A person , standing at line in a convenience store at 2 AM reeking of cheap beer and ditchweed , or a sweatpants wearing mega bitch wailing on someone at a Black Friday sale may not appear to be anything special . But our combined efforts have left everything else in the dust . Confused and violent primates we may be but we have split the atom and peer across the universe . In the blink of an eye we have acquired the power of gods .
Many centuries from now a couple will be strolling down the streets of Alpha Centauri colony in their shiny future clothes and they'll see some YOUNG PERSON wearing the wrong kind of shiny future clothes and puking in an ally outside of a robo-bar and they're shake their heads and cluck their tongues and say in a pidgin of English-Chinese-Russian that the human race is going down the tubes and that we're a ridiculous doomed species that will never be able to accomplish anything .
And they'll believe it just as people believe it now because the wonderful , terrible , fearsome truth of our power is almost too much to comprehend .
Long may it be so
Happy Thanksgiving !
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The Computer is your friend
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Posted:Nov 18, 2018 7:47 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2018 5:46 pm
93535 Views
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The Computer wants you to be happy . Happiness is mandatory . Failure to be happy is treason . Treason is punishable by summary execution .
It's time to face facts folks - the War on Christmas is a failure . We're spending $41.3 billion dollars annually , $25.7 billion in state funds and over $15.6 billion in federal funds , on the War on Christmas and what have we accomplished ? Just the other day I saw a house all lit up with Christmas lights . It's not even Thanksgiving !
The problem is as simple as capitalism itself if people want Christmas and are willing to pay for it , and they do , someone is going to find a way to give it them . You can lock up a million mall Santas a year and there's just going to be more scumbags out there willing to put on a fake beard and a red suit and be out on those corners hustling Christmas for cold hard cash .
The truth is that people want Christmas now more than ever - and as long as the demand is there someone's going to come up with he supply . But what can we do about it ? Why do people want Christmas so badly ?
Stress seems to play a major role from what I can tell - people just want to escape from their dead-end lives and their shitty jobs and the spouse/partner they hate and their screaming and the whole nine yards - and Christmas offers that . And this is in a country where we have everything .
So what can we do about that ? I don't know . What I do know is that the War on Christmas has become a nightmare of our own creation and there doesn't seem to be a way to get rid of it . Too many people are making too much money and gaining too much political capital from it's existence for it to be something that just be swept away .
There is good news though , the War on Sex , which honestly I thought was a total boondoggle from the get-go , is starting to bear fruit . We've been hearing for a while that millennials and their ilk are too lazy and pathetic to even bother smashing and now the Atlantic has confirmed it - only old people are banging these days .
We did it !
And the victory is all the sweeter for all those that said it could not be done . Who would have ever thought that we could get people to stop having sex ? Turns out the answer was right there in front of us all the time - we just needed to normalize sex to the point where young people would rebel against it . I mean when there's Cialis and eXtenZ commercials on the TV every 2 minutes there's no way for them to pretend that their parents aren't engaging in hardcore fucking every Wednesday and Saturday night so of course they're going to reject the whole idea .
It wasn't easy slapping down anything that made sex safer , healthier , more comfortable or more enjoyable but we stayed the course and we were committed and determined and we finally did it .
Take that you hippies ! Not only is free love dead but the whole nasty business is going the way of the dinosaurs . Nice try assholes !
In a strange way I feel like Kate Winslet's boobs had a lot to do with this . Her boobs were in Titanic you know and that movie was mostly seen by and I think we can draw a direct line from that to the proliferation of Girls Gone Wild later - I mean if Kate Winslet is showing her tits for nothing why wouldn't they show them for a trucker hat ? And then the Girls Gone Wild added significantly to the culture of sexual normalcy in our culture that ultimate caused the next generation to reject it .
I tip my my hat to you and your boobs Kate Winslet .
So the War on Christmas is a failure and the War on Sex is a success - what should we start a war on next ?
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Automated Lovemaking Unit 34-B/11
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Posted:Nov 17, 2018 12:01 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2018 7:12 am
93176 Views
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A while back everyone decided to freak out about automation taking over the trucking industry . Then , as per usual , every stopped caring about it without any resolution or action taken . You know like when Russian invaded the Ukraine .
Anyway one of the dudes I work with used to be a trucker and he was talking about it with some folks the other day and the conversation went the way it always does - first everyone is OUTRAGED because without truckers the entire country will collapse , then general technology bashing which involves looking up New Yorker articles on a smartphone without an iota of irony , thirdly how AI is going to murder us all , and finally - as always - an explanation of why THEIR job could never be automated because they're so special and awesome and cool .
According to the Consumer Technology Association here are the business most likely to be automated once they finish killing the trucking industry .
Office Operations
More than any other type of work , office operations are the most likely to be upended by automation in the next five years. Business are looking to automate basic administrative support tasks which can sharply reduce a firm's operating costs while greatly driving up efficiencies. They predict that office automation will be a defining factor separating businesses that thrive from those that fall behind in the coming years.
Warehouse Operations
I feel like this has already kind of happened . Granted I don't hang out in warehouses a lot but the only time recently I was in one there was a dude with a computer and a bunch of robots doing everything .
Customer relations
Automation can take over functions like keeping contacts lists up to date or using online forms to generate leads. More sophisticated analytics applications can generate insights into a customer's business and identify sales opportunities — a variation of Amazon's "since you bought that, you might be interested in this" formula.
Manufacturing
This also seems like it already happened . Didn't they make a bunch of movies in the 80s about autoworkers fighting robots ? I feel like Michael Keaton was in one of them .
Customer support
One way to distinguish customer support from customer relations is to think of it as a more responsive process, one in which customers actively engage with a business to answer a question or address a specific problem. Microsoft views automation in this area as a way to address customers' basic needs, while reserving a firm's human capital for more challenging issues.
The retail giant Lowe's is active in this area with the trial run of its automated LoweBot, an in-store service robot that can engage with customers in multiple languages, help them navigate the store and monitor inventory.
Accounting
Just over one-third of respondents to the CTA survey say they plan to automate accounting tasks . The consulting firm estimates that about 20 percent of the tasks in the flow of a recording and reporting cycle for a typical finance unit can be completely automated, needing no human intervention. And nearly 50 percent of those tasks can be mostly automated, with technology handling the lion's share of the work.
Operating machinery
Businesses in machinery-driven industries such as oil and gas production have an opportunity not only to lower costs and improve productivity, but to improve employee safety. Dutch energy giant Shell, for instance, announced a major partnership earlier this year with C3 IoT and Microsoft to improve its drilling operations and perform predictive maintenance on valves, compressors and other equipment.
"Whether you're in construction, whether you're on an oil rig — these are the kinds of things that used to be a real health risk". With automation, firms can "have someone very safely sitting inside an office" monitoring those machines remotely.
Human resources
Leaving aside the irony of automating "human" resources, nearly a third of all "hire-to-retire" HR processes can be fully automated, while nearly another third can be mostly automated. Low-hanging fruit in this area include tasks such as applicant screening, employee file management and on-boarding functions like IT access and equipment provisioning.
So there you have it folks , if you're working in any of these industries you're screwed . The good news is there will still be plenty of demand for sex workers because that's one thing that can never be automated .
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The best celebrity blowjob artist for every state
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Posted:Nov 16, 2018 5:54 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2018 12:35 pm
93639 Views
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It doesn't happen as much as it used to but the other day someone walked up to me and started very sincerely apologizing for "what happened" and then after I said "I don't know what you're talking about" they got VERY angry with me for not knowing why they were so sorry . not sure I had ever seen the guy before who did it this time .
Does that happen to you ?
Are you backed into a paradigm ? Are you so inside the box that a synergistic workflow needs to be re-outsourced to push profits ? Looking for a fresh approach to a new media post-partum download situation ? If so my new business venture – Crush IT ! – can help . We’re a neo-lexicon with a forward focused business outreach . We will single handedly split-shift upper management with a down-tempo trip hop multi-scaped approach to debt-based advertising . Don’t get caught in the dark ages while your competitors are doing multi-platform cross-spaced low-level audience analysis . You wouldn’t initialize second-echelon revenue stream without down-scaling profit expectations would you ? Crush IT !
The other day someone (who shall remain nameless) asked me what shows I was watching currently and one that I am watching but did not name is The Deuce . not quite sure why . I guess I was embarrassed to admit that I started watching a show mostly because I wanted to see Maggie Gyllenhaal nude . That doesn't seem to track though because I've admitted much worse things .
Why do you think I lied by omission about the Deuce ?
Anyway , curious - with all the dudes getting taken down by the creep hunt currently why is James Franco getting a pass ? It seems like anyone else who gets accused is shut down immediately - but Franco is just skating along as cool as you like . Why ? Is it because he's handsome ?
Think about all the dudes that have been trashed - are any of them remotely good looking ? Louis CK - uggo . Weinsten - monster . Jeffery Tambor - gross . Cosby - . Kevin Spacey - nothing to write home about .
Is that what's going on here ? Attractive dudes are getting off the hook ?
Chris Hardwick is mildly attractive I would say , and he initially get crushed but then they decided he was okay .
On the Deuce Maggie plays Eileen "Candy" Merrell a turned porn star turned porn director . In the last episode I watched she was trying to get investors for her new movie and one dude turned her down but did offer her $10,ooo for a blowjob . At first they played it like she was going to refuse with extreme prejudice but in the end she shrugged and said "sure" - one has to assume on account of all the dicks she had sucked for a lot less .
Now I realize this makes me a horrible person (what else is new) but while I was watching that scene I thought "I wonder if Maggie Gyllenhaal is any good at blowjobing in real life" . There's probably dudes that would a ton of money to get their cock sucked by some famous actress but what's the chance they'd be any good at it realistically ? I mean what percentage of people after good at sucking dick in the general population ? What does that number go up or down for people who are artists ? Or rich ? Or famous ? What are the societal factors that change things ?
I couple months back I was chatting up this gal and I don't remember why but I said something about US law being based on the Napoleonic rather than English common law . And she was all like " an 8th circuit court judge and I don't think that's right" so I've been looking through my books to see where I read that and I finally tracked it down .
It was in "These Truths" . I re-read that part and the claim they were making is that the Napoleonic Code laid out out criminal procedure , prohibited ex post facto laws as well as other legal mumbo-jumbo that lead directly to the Uniform Commercial Code in the US rather than whatever they had going on in Britain . Is it true ? It seems like a judge would know more about the law than a historian BUT how much history do they learn in law school ? So maybe in this case the historian has the advantage ?
Where do you think the US legal system was most influenced from ? And why anyone care ? And why are people so gleeful about the prospect of criminals getting ass (banned topic) ? The hacker that killed a dude with a SWATing attack got 20 today and 80% of the comments were people joking about him getting (banned topic) in prison . It's strange how happy it seems to make people . I get that the dude is a criminal but very uncomfortable by how much the average person seems to want people who broke the law to be tortured .
As you all know a sucker for a listicle . Especially the ones where they have the (blank) (blank) from every state . I like to see what some "writer" in San Francisco or New York thinks is going on in Iowa . This one was the strangest traditional Thanksgiving dish in every state .
And what they said for Iowa was monkey bread . Hubba what ? I have never seen nor heard of anyone serving monkey bread for Thanksgiving . I think I've only ever been offered home-made monkey bread once in my life and it had nothing to do with any holiday . So don't believe the monkey bread hype about Iowa folks . If your dirty Iowa living cousin invites you to Thanksgiving at their gross run down trailer don't go because you think there will be monkey bread . Go for the meth and cornholing .
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The art of the deal
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Posted:Nov 11, 2018 7:31 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2018 9:41 am
94160 Views
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When I started my "new" job (at which I have now been working 1 human year) I asked how many vendors we had and no one knew . Which is bad . So they hired a lady to be the vendor manager and she hired her nephew Jimmy to be her helper . They were awful . Lady quit after 2 months so Jimmy because they vendor manager . He quit a few days later . So then they hired a vendor to manage our vendors . They are awful and do nothing . But we signed a contract so we're stuck with them . So they hired a new lady to be the vendor manager and do the stuff the vendor management vendor is supposed to do but is not doing but gets paid an obscene amount of money to do .
Sidenote in the 12 months I've worked there this has happened at least half a dozen times , a person is incompetent and quits or is fired , they sign a contract with a managed service that costs a fortune , the managed service is 100% useless , so they hire someone to do the job again while still paying the managed service tons of money for years to come .
And somehow we're not making money . It's hard to fathom .
Anyway , I went to a training course this week put on my our useless vendor management vendor because I thought it was going to about what they were supposed to do to manage our vendors . But it wasn't . Instead it was about how to negotiate . And I have not yet become disgruntled enough with this job to just walk out of a meeting in disgust so I sat there and let it happen to me .
I've never read the Art of the Deal but I imagine it's this same kind of bullshit .
I can condense the entire hour down into a nutshell for you "Be an asshole" . The entire thing was about how to put your opponent (because thinking about your vendors as enemies to overcome is a good idea) "on their heels" and making them confused so you can bend them over a barrel and go nuts on their tender butthole . My favorite part is when the dude said you should lie and then immediately went onto the list of lies you should have ready .
I don't know exactly what job it is to negotiate these things but I think whoever these people are they've replaced Radio DJs as my most hated people .
Here are my suggested techniques for negotiation based on this training class .
1. Show up drunk
Super drunk . Falling down drunk . This show them that you don't give a shit about their negotiation which will make them feel sad and give you the advantage . They'll really be back on their heels when you vomit right on their chest . Plan ahead and have some accomplices come in halfway through the meeting and pretend to ambush you with an intervention . Refuse to get help . This will show them that you don't back down and will make them want to give in to your demands .
2. Constantly blast farts right in their faces
Filling the room with noxious gasses will really make them uncomfortable . Make sure the room is airtight and start cracking off . Eat an entire tub of egg salad before you go in there . Every thing you say should be punctuated by a thunderous ass ripper . Also blame it on them . Try to get the stench in there so awful that someone with a weak stomach would puke their brains out . Bring in a pinch-farter if you don't have especially rancid ass gas .
3. Take off your shirt
First roll up your sleeves , then take the shirt off . This will confuse them . If you're in great shape it will make them feel bad about their body . If you're in horrible shape your fat belly swinging around will make them feel sad and grossed out . If you're a woman they'll be worried that you're going to call the sheriff and accuse the of ripping your shirt off - because you'll say that to them . If you have tons of backhair this will be especially effective . If you're not in good or bad shape give yourself ringworm - those lesions really freak people out .
4. Shout everything you say
Shouting is the strongest form of communication besides punching Morse code into someone's stomach (save that for later) . Establish your dominance by screaming constantly . If you can't think of any words to say just start grunting like a wild boar .
5. Expose yourself at a crucial moment
Whatever you got whip it out when things are really heating up . If you have a big cock they'll be intimidated . If you have a small cock you'll gain their sympathy . If you have a "normal" sized cock threaten to (banned topic) them to get them back on their heels . If you're a woman have surgery to get a cock . More than one if you can find a doctor willing to do it (I know a guy) . Get one implanted right on your chest . That really gets people back on their heels . If things are going well start sucking your own chest-cock to show them how little you think of their presence .
6. Weaponry
Bring it . Tridents are very good for negotiations . Klingon bat'leths are even better . A Hispano 20 mm autoannon you ripped off a WW2 Westland Whirlwind is best . If you forgot your weapons in the trunk improvise . Take off your belt and tie it to one of your shoes to form a crude morning star . Better yet knock them down and use one of their shoes - beating someone with their own shoe really puts people back on their heels . Threaten them with a pot of hot coffee . Blast them in the face with a fire extinguisher .
7. Don't compromise on anything
Whatever you want double it and then don't budge at all . Any time they try to cut back you double what you want again - and you never go back . They key to negotiating is insisting on your own way 100% and never letting them gain any ground . Force them to compromise , you do not compromise anything every .
8. Stalk them
If they leave the room to go to the bathroom follow them . Send them threatening messages via text or social media . Tell their spouse you're having an affair . Pick up their from school and ride them around for a while . Don't hurt them obviously , it's just the implication . Bombard them with nude selfies . Hack their account , steal their nude selfies and put them all over the internet . If they don't have any nude selfies install a camera in their shower . Dummy up video of them getting humped by Paul Rueben . Infect their computer with malware . Slash their tires .
9. Force their head under water
Bring a large tub of water and set it on the conference table . Don't say anything about it . When the time is right get them in a hammerlock and shove their face into the water . Suffocation really puts people back on their heels and makes them feel uncomfortable .
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I slice off my shirt with my katana and activate my nipple ring of exquisite pain
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Posted:Nov 10, 2018 12:21 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2018 12:34 pm
93690 Views
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If no one ever mentioned ayahuasca to me ever again that would be okay .
I may need to add the desire to try hallucinogens to the list of common factors women attracted to me have . I don't get it at all . Expand your mind ? What does that even mean ? And why is it good ? I think part of what I don't like about mushroom people is they seem to have a sense of superiority about it . Snooty mushroom people can go fly a kite says I .
Did you know that ayahuasca significantly reduces symptoms of treatment-resistant depression ? I didn't . Of course that could be just drug people trying to come up with a justification for the thing they want to do . That drives me crazy also . Potheads love to talk about all the other things you can do with hemp . Fuck off pal , you just want to get high - admit it . You don't have a rope factory .
The other day one of my oldest and dearest friends said this to me -
"I love hanging out with you because it makes me stop caring about all the stupid things in life that stress me out that don't really matter ."
followed shortly by him saying this -
"The problem is if we hang out for too long I find I stop caring about anything ."
40deuce - Use with caution .
If there's anything wrong with wanting to make sweet ,sweet love to a lady's asshole while she eats an entire box of Frosted Flakes hey I don't want to be right .
I just got a friend request from what I think is one of my childhood friends . That's slightly odd . I bet if I had stayed living in my childhood neighborhood where said friendship had existed we probably would have fooled around when we got to a certain age .
Now for one my classic take a listicle and pretend that's good content for a blog . The other day I read the 40 things no man over 40 should have because I wanted to hate myself more . I mean I do a pretty solid job of hating myself but we can always do better you know ?
Toys in boxes - Yep , although not that many really
Movie posters - Yep , Guardians of the Galaxy and Dark Knight
A condiment drawer - No , although I don't really eat fast food and that's what they're talking about . I know what they're getting at , but still there's no reason to throw those away if you'll use them right ?
Frozen dinners or snacks - I tater tots sometimes does that count ?
Instant coffee - Coffee is gross and I hate it . Another listicle thought told me if you don't have a coffee maker in your house for guests you're a piece of shit though so I lose anyway .
Sugary treats - No issue there , I mean 2 years ago sure , but I was 39 then so I guess I did it ?
Soft drinks - Even diet or "zero" versions . I have tons of these .
Beer sign - Not really an issue for me . Although this is bad at any age if you ask me .
Sports trophies - Does a pro wrestling belt count ? That's even worse I suppose . I watched a video on Men.Date - Gay Dating one time where a lady was banging this dude who had a WWE replica belt hanging above his bed . There were tons of comments on this video - all about the belt .
Fake plants - Is this even a thing ? I have never known a dude with fake plants in his house .
Plastic shelves - Nope , although they say particle board is also unacceptable and I think I have a shelf with those .
Futon - I don't think there's anything wrong with having a futon in a spare room . I would agree with not having it as your bed although no man over 40 would anyway because those things are uncomfortable as balls .
A recliner - Funny , I associate recliners with old people . Regardless I don't have one .
Old sheets and towels - How old ? My sheets and towel are all in good shape .
Clutter - My place is pretty tidy . Not sure why this only applies to men over 40 though .
Sheets used as curtains - Again , I don't think this is okay whatever age you are .
Beer can collection - Not an issue with me
A mattress with no frame - Like just on the floor ? Again I say , not acceptable at any age .
Mismatched dishes - I think I'm alright here .
A bean bag chair - I'm fine here , at least until I line up my home equity loan so I can a Love Sack .
Sports Paraphernalia - Not an issue for me but I think you would be hard pressed to find many men over 40 that don't have SOMETHING from a sports team hanging up somewhere . My brother in law has an entire room of Chicago Bears and Bulls crap .
DJ Equipment - WTF ? I feel like the lady who wrote this list has a specific ax to grind here . Who has DJ equipment ? Besides DJs .
Christmas Lights as decorations - Again , WTF ? Is this a thing ? I feel like she's just padding the list now .
A video gaming station - LOL good luck lady . I don't have one but every other man in America does . Man oh man do women hate video games . I guess because they hate the idea of anyone having fun .
Novelty anything - Seems pretty board . I think I have this one covered though .
Glassware with logos - Hmm , I have them but I don't use them . Is that better or worse ?
Grilled cheese maker - I didn't even know this was a thing . I don't care for grilled cheese myself .
Snuggy - The only Snuggies I've ever encountered were owned by women .
Crappy knives - Is this an issue ? I feel like I've had a decent knife set since day one .
Speakers - Not sure why this is a problem but I don't got'em .
Mounted Weaponry - Double LOL . This lady is clearly targeting her BF or husband with some of these . Who has a sword on their wall ? I mean I would , I just don't .
Sock with holes - I HATE holey socks . I throw socks away the minute they get a little thin . Did I say throw away ? I meant burn .
Body Spray - Once again I say never okay .
Ill-fitting clothing - This isn't my fault , they don't make clothes for fat people .
Wire or plastic hangers - Hubba what ? I'm supposed to have ALL wooden hangers ? That is insane madam .
Fluorescent bulbs - I don't frigging know who pays attention to what kind of light bulbs they have . Apparently women care a lot . Hey baby I got 8 thick inches AND a houseful of LED bulbs .
Bowling shirts - I have one , I wear it sometimes .
A mess - Seems like a duplicate . I don't do dishes every day .
A scooter - Huh ? Like the one you stand on and push or like a moped ? I have neither obviously but I don't think there's anything wrong with a motorized scooter if you live in a nice climate .
Shot glasses - Again not an issue for this guy .
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To link to this blog (40Deuce) use [blog 40Deuce] in your messages.
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