[nopath::meta_tags:ci:english] [nopath::timeout:ci:english]
40Deuce 40 / M
"Fat nerd seeks woman with low standards"
Urbandale, Iowa, United States
 
Standard Member
Last Visit: Yesterday
Member Since: December 25, 2005

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Status
40Deuce 40/M
Urbandale, Iowa
I work all 4 sides
Introduction
Please note I am a willing participant in a secret experiment in human happiness .

In this fast paced modern world of ours where everything is whizzing around at the speed of 4G I feel its important to take a moment for examination and self-reflection . If you're reading my profile right now (and I have to assume you are) think about the very literally uncountable number of things that had to happen to lead you to this moment - you sitting at your computer (or whatever) hopefully fully nude , reading this profile right here right now .

From the universe being forged in the crucible of the big bang , to wandering planet Theia colliding with the earth to create a world capably of sustaining life , to the evolution of our stupid primitive caveman ancestors , to the invention of the Baroque trumpet , to that time in high school I saw a totally naked lady "laying out" in her backyard - it has all been leading up to this moment .

Trillions upon trillions upon trillions of choices , coincidences , happenstances , miracles and close calls all leading to this moment . Think about that for a second and the momentousness of this occasion . Its overwhelming really . I feel 100% whelmed right now . Maybe even 103% which is impossible . And I for one feel we should celebrate by cavorting like the Greeks of old - you know the ones I mean .

What I'm saying is that we should so a thing where I put my penis in your asshole . As a celebration ! How can we do otherwise ? The universe has given us this grand gift of life and existence and BBQ ribs - how can we turn away from that and not joyously revel in it ? This revel just happens to take the form of hardcore ass fucking . I feel it would be an insult to life to do otherwise .

So bend over Sally Mae .

A little bit about me . I watched GlenGarry Glen Ross the other day and I realized that Alec Baldwin is right . You don't care if I'm a nice guy or I'm a good listener or whatever , all that matters in the final analysis is what I can do for you . Saying that I'm a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick . That would be like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English , and its tagline is "The actors are clearly visible" .

So lets get down to brass tacks - here's what I have to offer you .

In my mind I am a wild lover , in reality my technique has been called "fine" and "adequate" .

I own a home so if you want to have sex we can do it in said home without worrying about anyone overhearing your sexual shouts of joy and masturbating to them .

I have access to a George Foreman Grill which locks in the flavor without the fat . I also have a Mitch "Blood" Green Yogurt maker that works most of the time as long as you don't want cherry .

I have Breaking Bad on Blu-Ray (one of the disks is missing)

One time I saw a group of kids harassing an elderly gentlemen and I thought to myself "That's awful , someone should do something ." So you know , empathy .

I read 12th Night once , it was pretty good .

There was this one time I did a totally sweet dive off the high board a party and then later I went down on an actual cheerleader (I guess basketball teams have "dance squads" technically) and I licked her asshole a little bit . It was okay . Not great , but okay .

I kind of forgot where I was going with this . The point is I'm a really nice guy . And I'm a good listener . I think crows are pretty neat . Did you know what crows can remember human faces ? Because they can . So be nice to them because they also hold a grudge and talk to each other .

Likes and dislikes . I dislike when people don't wear coats in winter . I dislike when people drink Pepsi when Coke is clearly better . I dislike fantasy football . I dislike the NY Giants . I dislike people in giant trucks (which they surely don't need) taking up 2 parking spaces . I dislike the moon . I dislike wearing pants . I dislike lotion . I dislike when people say "a whole nother" . I dislike Zachary Quinto . I dislike TV ratings . I dislike graphic sex scenes in movies and TV (I'll watch porn if I want to see that - move the damn story along) . I dislike Jackie Chan . I dislike nuts . I dislike that song "I Took A Walk" . I dislike chimps .

I like pie . And assplay . I'm way into assplay .

I'll feed you fruit that don't exist
I'll leave graffiti
Where you've never been kissed
I'll do your laundry
Massage your soul
I'll turn you over
To the highway patrol

My Ideal Person I am looking for a partner in crime , and I mean that literally - I need someone to watch my back while I do some robberies . You need to be handy with a pistol grip pump and not be a pistol grip chump .

I would like to be with a woman who is comfortable with herself and her sexuality . A woman who has enough pride and self-respect (and respect for me) to tell me what she really thinks and not what she thinks I want to hear .

Someone who's comfortable with their life , not looking for any kind of answer or epiphany or a new way of looking at things ; just looking to have some fun . And if it doesn't happen , that's cool , because you're fine with the way things are and you don't need someone else to be happy .

And if you have a sweet rack that doesn't hurt either .

What are your favorite musicians or bands?:
They Might Be Giants , Beastie Boys , Beck

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Sexual experience, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything

Have you ever had cybersex?:
No way. I only want skin on skin.

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Information
  • 40 / male
  • Urbandale, Iowa, United States
Sexual Orientation:
Straight
Looking For:  Women
Birthdate: August 4, 1977
Relocate?: No
Marital Status: Single
Height: 6 ft 0 in / 182-185 cm
Body Type: Ample
Smoking: I'm a non-smoker
Drinking: I don't drink at all
Drugs: I don't use drugs
Education: BA/BS (4 years college)
Occupation: Office drone
Race: Caucasian
Religion: Protestant
Have Children: No
Want Children: No
Male Endowment: Average/Average
Circumcised: Yes
Speaks: English
Hair Color: Brown
Hair Length: Shaved
Eye Color: Brown
Glasses or Contacts: None
My Trophy Case: