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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Advice > Kill Thrill (Review)
Kill Thrill (Review)   by El Jefe Giggilo

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Kill Thrill
Directed by Max Candy
$29.99

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Kill Thrill starts off with seven full minutes of hardcore . . . acting. Yes, from the opening indie type cinematography and decent monologue, it looks like director Max Candy thought he was going to be showing this film in Aspen, rubbing members with the artsy crowd. Ultimately, though, this film is more fit for the 25-cent peep booths.

The sex does get good, and it gets hot, but you're going to go on a twisted, confusing, abstemious ride before the big payoff. In other words, this is the DVD for folks who like it teased before pleased.

Early on we find that our main character, Russ, is a bad boy. And if his scowl, ruff and rugged stubble, and cool demeanor don't give it away, his barbed-wire lip ring will. Smoking, ash hanging precariously from his cigarette's end, he tells his muddled tale.

Our beast finds Beauty at this “favorite place”: she’s the sexy thin blonde with a big smile and small tits. They marry, and we are whisked away to their honeymoon: cut to a drive along a quiet country road. As she is prating about how happy she is to be married to the man of her dreams, he's berating her under his breath (another happily married couple!). To their surprise a ghost lies ahead in the middle of the road ‒ and to my surprise she is fully clothed, with this movie still showing no signs of nudity or fucking. However this does give us a moment to enjoy the filming style here, which intensifies the scene and enhances the dark edge of our new groom's animosity from his post-vow depression.

As tension mounts he tries to light another cigarette and the Zippo won’t ignite. This would be a breaking point for anyone . . .so naturally he shoots his new wife in the head with a single shot from his still working handgun. WHAT?

OK, so we have a psycho who is under a lot of pressure. I guess we're supposed to take from that that anything can happen. Personally, I believe that he was mad because he got placed in a Private porn flick with a girl who had small tits - a breaking point for yours truly.

After a minute or so of remorse, our Mad Max character continues on the road until he sees a hitchhiker. This is not your average stinky hippy hitchhiker, either: she is a slender auburn brunette in Daisy Dukes, a genuine southern belle. They exchange a few words of politeness, until she is overcome with the urge to repay the favor for the ride and begins to play with her pussy. I have to admit, the up-close shots of her cleanly shaven cunt being stroked are hot and sexy. But the director is so focused on his “masterpiece” script that the minute I started to get a rise out of her action, the scene would change. Somewhere around the eighth profile shot of the actor looking all serious and shit, I check my watch: ten minutes in and barely any action!

I guess the backseat foreplay continues all day into the night because we go from the day scene in the car to a night shot at an abandoned shop. Somehow, our hero’s passenger discovers a key to this building and they go inside -- to fuck, I’m wishfully hoping.

(One thing that struck me as funny was the portion of their dialogue in which she says to him, “You talk too much!” I’m like “No shit baby. This whole movie talks too much. It’s supposed be porn!")

They go to lie down on bedding, and, like me, his hitchhiker is visibly horny. Just as she is asking him to lay into her, he has a psychotic break and has to swallow half a bottle of pills before he can continue. The juxtaposition in this movie is awkward at best; we go from maniacal headaches and demonic yelling to soft cuminglingus and soothing piano music in all of about 30 seconds. Yes, it’s weird.

Anyway, at last we get the good stuff . . . perhaps even the reason you probably bought the DVD. Sex! But lower your expectations on this first round. Neither actor or actress is anything to tell your buddies about. He doesn’t have an enormous dick and although she is pretty, she's not exceptionally porn-tastic. The movements and positions are bland and uninspired, and they slowly shift from one methodical style to the next. The cameraman also reflected the stagnation of the scene by remaining still and only shooting in the most obvious and over-used angles. The whole feel of the scene is one of teenage romance, sweet, but boring, and not what I want out of my porn. This slow, gentle, piano-music-inspired scene ends with him busting a big fatty all over her face, which seems a little vulgar in light of the hearts and flowers theme going on.

They fall asleep and he wakes up to a night terror. He seems to be in the grips of a poltergeist that has some control over his mental condition. The ghost turns out to be a girl he'd previously killed, and she brings with her two ghost boyfriends to donate their plasma all over her face and tits. These ghosts quickly turn into flesh and she gets down to enthusiastically pleasing them in the afterlife by sucking them both off at the same time.

OK, so now we're cooking. This is about where I'd start watching this DVD if I were going to pop it in for an afternoon quickie. The actors' bodies in this scene are more what I’m used to in my porn: big dicks, big tits and big lips . . . not all on the same body, of course! They begin to double-stuff ghostie girl on the counter while the main character looks on in shame. This ghostly temptress can really take a large dick down her throat, her eyes open wide, her cheeks buldge out and her head moves back as she makes room for one of the monstrous cocks. Apparently one of the advantages to death is the loss of the gag reflex? They switch it up and the guy from the back goes to the front while the guy that was jamming it down her throat moves to filling up her pussy and ass. This scene has abandoned all connection to the last ‒ it’s all fucking with little romance and no apology. Also unlike the beginning of the film our ghost fuckers don't waste time chatting and jump into an energetic DP scene right away. They reverse positions again and continue with their vigorous DP action. Unfortunately, they are SO vigorous that the scene is over shortly after they have begun; no doubt to her joy, but what about poor me, left still feeling unfulfilled and unemptied? No matter ‒ our hero, apparently, has it worse off, as his undead avenger immediately breaks out a set of brass knuckles and starts pounding his face.

Fade to black.

He wakes up to a quick argument with his new hitchhiker lady, only to be beckoned by a haunting noise. It turns out to be a hot blonde poltergeist who has returned from the dead with her boyfriend to teach this murderer a thing or two about why loving is better than fighting.

And teach us about loving she does. Beginning the scene full deep throat soon leads to cries and pleas to fuck her. She proceeds to take it from behind, wailing for more the whole time. Her face is over-saturated with make up, but this merely adds to the fact that she is supposed to be a ghost. She is getting plugged in the ass while maintaining constant eye contact with our evil main character, perhaps trying to drive in the fact that he has done wrong and must be punished by watching her get rammed. They move to a chair, where they fuck in reverse and regular cowboy style. This scene offers little ingenuity, except for a nice Matrix-style shot where she digs her middle and ring finger deep inside her ass, giving us the wild devil horn salute.

But we’re not done! He wakes up AGAIN to find that he is in a Groundhog Day scenario, in which he keeps coming to in a similar situation and must relive these gushing ghoulish scenes. This time it is a young couple that he killed in a bar. The girl’s body in this scene is youthful, natural and petite. She begins sucking her mate’s cock while he is intently staring at our evil main character. It’s kinda homoerotic if you ask me, but as far the story goes he is just reaching out from the land beyond with a message of vengeance. She has a perfect face for fucking: luscious lips, wide eyes, and an even better pussy. This girl’s frame is small and it looks as if it is maxing out with this guy’s cock. Yet she still does a decent job of working this ghost up to e-ghoul-ation. He keeps his jeans completely on in the whole shot which was somewhat peculiar - a porn star with body image issues? They keep fucking and she gets sexier and sexier as they progress: she turns out to have a tight six-pack and well toned body.

The culmination of this night fantasy begins with Russ's original wife and another harpy, both of whom have come to teach him his final lesson. Both of these girls are immaculate from their faces to their pussies: they are sleek, banging and totally horny for each other. I’m usually not into girl-on-girl (I don’t have a very vivid imagination) but this scene worked well for me. The passion, if there is such a thing in porn, is evident in this on-screen duo. They explore every inch of each other and in many places twice or even more. But caressing is not enough for these two, and out comes the dildo to finish the job.

Revenge is often a dish best served cold, but this movie shows that serving it up HOT can be just as effective. These bitches may be dead, but they can still fuck and get their message across.

The sex scenes, once we got to them were great ‒ full of delectable bodies and good wholesome fucking. The cinematography was superb, with cutting edge shots and indie film quality. If you like your porn to have a theme - other than fucking, of course ‒ this film offers a good story and fine acting, although, admittedly, better plot lines and more believable roles can be found on a day time soap. All-in-all I thought that what could be classified as porn (that is, the sex scenes) were cum-tastic, and while the acting was good, I imagine you would buy this title for the sex and not the story.

Due to the shoddy nature of the latter, I’ll put up a three out of five busted nuts for this one.