Lowering the libido?  

aflower2c 43F  
3510 posts
9/13/2017 8:29 pm
Lowering the libido?

I have had a whole lot on my mind for the last while.

It's no secret that I haven't had much luck with meeting men and the few that I have met with just bombed in all sorts of bad or absolutely no interest. Which is fine because you need to meet with hundreds just to find one.

With the few that I had tried to have sex with: Obviously thier lack of a hardon is 100% my fault/problem and erectile issues are things I should just be fine with. (even though most never disclosed that tidbit of info before we agreed to meet because, and I quote, "I knew you wouldn't want to meet"....Ok whatever it's done). And it directly reflects on my sexuality and affects my confidence.

So. I have had to do this in my late 20's/early 30's, a chemical control to lower my sex drive. I ran the gauntlet of meds that the doc was allowed to prescribe me, even tried different combos of birth control with it. (BC a know libido killer in some women). .... let's just say that didn't work for the 5 yrs I tried.

Now, due to my location, age, body, appearance, I am not likely to find the sex partners I desire. The dating sites proved that it was just "older" men interested in my age, so means I will have to rein in my libido by 50-75%. Lol.

I did my last chance for asking the gynecologist to remove the uterus and assorted bits. (Also kills libido in some women). Which, I was also going to ask if they can also snip some of my nerves on the clitoras. ...but that went over like a lead balloon. Now I have to wait for major uterine problems before she will look again.

Then I started searching online for ways to lower female libido.
Seriously.... mainly articles on how to increase your arousal.


Apparently if I drink spearmint tea that should help ... fffsss
Yep so I will start there.
I really don't want to go the ssri route again, that ended really bad for me and my family the last time. I used to exercise 3 hrs a day after work just to burn down energy, but yep that just made me even hornier.
Meditation, reading, distraction...

So sexy bloggers,
Surely there has to be other women out there that have a greedy libido and can't find matching partners or had a partner with a lower sex drive...

Did you find something to help control your desire, cravings, hunger for sex?
Anything relatively "healthy" like herbs n teas, foods?
Cognitive behavior therapy - what did you try?

Ps...we don't have any sex therapists in the interior of bc.

Be polite also. I get it that most of the people deal with low sex drives, asexual women in thier lives. I just happen to keep finding men with much lower drives...so I get it. M'kay...

Little miss flower

Written from a small city middle of no where kink thinkin kinda gal.

aflower2c 43F  
8940 posts
9/13/2017 8:32 pm

I am not in the mood for snark!
I'm horny as fuck, sexually frustrated, haven't been able to masturbate due to medical reasons (ya not explaining that one either)... so I am a little pent up and looking for new ways to lower my sex drive.
Masturbating only goes so far with my desires.

Ok... I will be quiet now.

Little miss flower

Written from a small city middle of no where kink thinkin kinda gal.

RibaldAmusement 49M  
942 posts
9/13/2017 8:56 pm

Based on the thousands of guys who say how horny they are all the time, I find it surprising you cannot find a guy to present you with a solid erection. And ED is not your issue. It's the guys issue and if he has it he needs to be working on controlling it. My 2 cents.

aflower2c replies on 9/13/2017 10:03 pm:
I am not at all believing this anymore. With my experience and what I hear from other women, great sex is difficult to find but even ok sex is hard to find...

Plus hookup sex is easy but that definitely guarantees that my pleasure will not even be thought about. Believe me, I've tried it several times.

S3xys33k3r 58F  
3 posts
9/13/2017 9:06 pm

I have run into this more than once as well. I have also experienced where men won't let you know until AFTER you are already naked and ready to roll that they have ED/impotence/diabetes/a medication issue/a medical issue leading to their disability to function because they wanted to meet you above all else. I end up going home and satisfying myself. Why can't they just be honest? For heavens sake-we all age, we all have issues! Don't lets lead one another on. Let's all play nice....please?

aflower2c replies on 9/13/2017 10:00 pm:
Considering I have run into this in men as young as 36.... its not just an age issue.
But still doesn't help my problem of lowering my sex drive.

OakKing421 49M
468 posts
9/13/2017 9:07 pm

would you believe that high doses of Marijuana will lower it--kill it dead ... try testosterone blockers as the hormone that CAUSES libido in BOTH men and women is testosterone

aflower2c replies on 9/13/2017 9:56 pm:
Sorry. But I am anti-pot and drug free.
But thanks....also why I won't meet with stoners any more. Lol

Trapper69 60G  
1858 posts
9/13/2017 9:23 pm

After years of talking with a lot of women like you, I can't understand why so many men who have problems with ED don't seem to want to try something to different to give women pleasure. There are times when we've been going at it hot and heavy for a long time, and I've already enjoyed a couple orgasms, but she wants more. If I can't get hard again, I'll bring out the toys. Often, she'll enjoy more powerful orgasms from me licking her pussy and clit as I use a toy in her pussy. Why would any man not want to satisfy a woman? I've always made it a point to see to it that when we finally are done, she's 100% satisfied, and when I leave (or she leaves), she's thinking about me and the pleasure I helped her to enjoy.

aflower2c replies on 9/13/2017 9:59 pm:
But if it just comes down to me having to masturbate anyway...then I may as well do it at home and risk free. Amiright

Many can't be bothered to deliver pleasure especially when the sex is no longer about direct stimulation to his penis. And yes J have had my share of men to get a good idea.

But thanks for stopping by.

aflower2c 43F  
8940 posts
9/13/2017 10:04 pm

No teas or tofu too kill the libido? ?
Bueller Bueller. .Ok, next..

Little miss flower

Written from a small city middle of no where kink thinkin kinda gal.

Yours_4A_knight 52M  
511 posts
9/13/2017 10:51 pm

I surest libido killer I know is being involved with someone like me, for whatever reason a women gets attached to me or I to her and her libido starts shopping for gravesites

Not the Whole Truth but the truth that I can see.

aflower2c replies on 9/14/2017 6:15 am:
Lol I tend to have the opposite problem, when I have a steady partner I just want more sex. Lol

HamburgDave2 74M  
14102 posts
9/14/2017 5:04 am

Good Morning Flower

I am constantly horny, and I suffer from ED, and I don't mind admitting it! However thanks to the wonders of science, I can control my ED!!
Combine this with my age, doesn't put me in a good position dating wise, but I am still out there trying

Visit my Blog Older but no Wiser and find out more

aflower2c replies on 9/14/2017 6:21 am:
Yes there's a huge difference between being horny and actual sex. I have met with men before that said they where "always horny" but they where talking about just thinking about sex with whatever women they seen...there weren't up for sex as often as you would think (even if I did all the work).

Yes it's finally Thursday, started to.feel like week full of Mondays for not of it. Lol

tam18974 57F  
938 posts
9/14/2017 6:18 am

This is from the website Livestrong.com.

But a few on the list you have tried already...

Step 1
Infuse your diet with soy. Soy has been proven to reduce testosterone levels, which will in turn reduce libido.

Step 2
Eat a low-fat diet. Increased consumption of fat is associated with an increase of testosterone levels, but cutting back on fats--particularly saturated fats--will help bring your sex drive down.

Step 3
Eat the herb caste tree berry. Also known as "monk's pepper," this supplement has been used to reduce libido since the Middle Ages. But unlike most other herbs, it has retained its use, as it has been proven over time to be effective in combating a high sex drive.

Step 4
Stay away from animal proteins. The proteins and hormones found in meats like beef, chicken, pork and turkey can contribute to high testosterone levels. Vegetarians tend to have lower testosterone levels than omnivores, and thus lower libidos.

Step 5
Exercise frequently. Working out reduces your testosterone levels while increasing cortisol. Marathon runners frequently have lower-than-average testosterone levels because of this.

Step 6
Visit your doctor and ask about medications that might lower your sex drive. Your options will vary depending on your medical history, but there are multiple pills you can be prescribed to help you win the battle against an overactive sex drive.

Good luck!

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL

tam18974 57F  
938 posts
9/14/2017 6:23 am

I just added this to show the hormones that affect a woman's desire for sex....don't know it will help any, and it's info you may already be aware of, since you've dealt with a doctor....

Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone are hormones that affect a woman’s sexual desire and functioning.

When it comes to sexual desire, the most influential hormone is testosterone. Though it’s often considered a male hormone, testosterone — like estrogen– is present in both men and women, though the proportions differ between the sexes.

In women, testosterone is produced through the operation of the adrenals glands — two small glands near the kidneys — and the ovaries.

Be Honest..Be Sincere...Be REAL

aflower2c replies on 9/14/2017 10:06 am:
Yes I seen the livestrong page
Because chemical control is tough to deal with with (I know from experience) I am probably looking at more cognitive therapy instead....but I find that difficult to comprehend how it will stop my libido. Considering that my hormones are driving my urges, but I do understand that my brain pattern will have to find a different connection comparable to the pleasure of sex do I can replace my desire for sex with some other thought. (Which is how some people get into gambling and other high risk styles of coping). Lol

aflower2c 43F  
8940 posts
9/14/2017 10:10 am

And before someone grumbles again about how unfair it is to ask a partner for more sex/intimacy and tgat they shouldn't have to deal with my high libido (came up a few times the last time I talked about this). ... its why I am looking for ways to lower my sex drive to accommodate the men open to dating/ongoing. Lol.

Little miss flower

Written from a small city middle of no where kink thinkin kinda gal.

dan_nl_2006 37M
872 posts
9/15/2017 3:38 am

Well I would have to say that for a guy you are a gem. Most woman have the opposite problem of not having sufficient libido.

It is a shame that you have to consider taking meds to reduce your libido.
I saw that you can not masturbate, have you considered move to a more populated city. Would you consider traveling for sex?

aflower2c replies on 9/15/2017 6:29 am:
I used to travel to meet men, but as I got older there was less interest in great sex from the guys and I was starting to be treated as a convenient fuck bec I was willing to travel for a man.
So let's just say I am not too keen on traveling for just one guy because chances are high he won't even be interested in good sex but just a quick fuck and send me out the door to drive all the way home.
Fyi I spent 15 yrs driving to other cities to meet men.

jafo2128 46M  
6 posts
9/15/2017 8:14 pm

Interesting issue Flower a pickle to be in. for sure...

Had gone through in past with what one would of called ED issues in younger years. Only find out it was purely psychological. Induced by my partner at the time.. The want and desire was there for sure. All the pressure to perform, and get it over with and get out. She only wanting the baby in a rush. lead to doc visits, pills. Oh and little therapy.. And in the end. Not necessary. (11 years one can not get back) Other partners later proved that.! mmmmm Just to let it happen, explore.. embrace and go mind open in the moment... sex on...

Sure there have been odd bad time. But most were amazing. As long as ones mind is not distracted, and focus in the moment of estacy.

One can only dream of all the ways to have fun sexually. Having a partner who wants to just as bad... thats a challenge.

Now killing the libido all together... dang Gal.

Cheers, and sweet sexy dreams

aflower2c replies on 9/16/2017 8:53 am:
Easier to accommodate lower sex drives than it will be with finding a compatible partner. Lol

Of course for you as a man would enjoy most hookups because you would have orgasmed most of the time and it wasn't your problem if she didn't because you aren't dating she's only there for a fuck.

Wantingsexymind2 47F  
10432 posts
9/16/2017 1:10 am

I just worry that this is not a healthy idea! Why not invest in some brand new toys and enjoy yourself? I did that this Summer, I bought a ton of new toys for my B'day.

It is really important to report glitches that you have to SiteSupport....they collect the information, and categorize it for the Developers who fix glitches and create new features on the site.

There is a priority sequence for site issues/glitches here folks and as a blogging community each of us must report so that it becomes a priority to fix. Simply explain your glitch/issue with as much detail as possible and ask to be added to the CD ( bug) for that problem.

aflower2c replies on 9/16/2017 8:50 am:
Have you seen my toy collection?
Every time I would desire sex I would curb my thoughts of trying yet another hookup by doing some online shopping for new toys and sexy things. Lol
I have since had to limit my budget for toys, lingerie, bdsm gear.

discreteSteve62 55M
1463 posts
9/16/2017 7:31 am

I don't know whether controlling libido is the right approach. It may be better to try to find alternative means of satisfying yourself. I fully understand how masturbation might not solve the problem you want to solve. But maybe hook-up sex, and make oral until you get yours a part of the deal -- and offer to teach guys who don't know what to do how to do it, as a necessary life skill.

Another possibility, if oral just doesn't do it, is to set out a challenge to hook-up guys: how many times can they come in an evening before the parts just can't do anything more. That way, even if they're just trying to get their own pleasure, and the first round is too quick to do anything for you, by the second or third round they'll have to work at it long enough that you get your share too.

Or have you tried those plans already?

aflower2c replies on 9/16/2017 8:46 am:
Lol you obviously don't meet with men do you.
The last thing on any hookup guys mind is a night of sex with one woman, at most you get about 20 min out of him then he's off to his next date.

I have zero interest in hookups at this point, been there done that done it more than once to know it's not the sex I desire.

discreteSteve62 55M
1463 posts
9/19/2017 11:36 pm

you obviously don't meet with men do you.

No, I can't say that I have.

But I did a classified ad hook-up once while unattached not so many years ago, and held back until the woman had her share. We talked for a while so I had time to recharge, and went another round. The only reason I didn't spend the night was that the only parking I could find near her would have towed my car if I had stayed until morning.

And in my 20s, I had a few more hook-ups, and again tried to make sure that the women got their share too.

A woman confidante of mine had a few casual encounters during a dry spell, and although there were some who were ready to leave disappointingly early, some were ready for more than one round (with recharge breaks, fairly brief because she selected young guys), some spent the night, and one was there for the entire weekend. (One even proposed marriage, much to her amusement.) But that was in Seattle, plus once on a business trip.

You've mentioned that you're not in a good place for what you're looking for. My idea of a good hook-up is of course not a representative sample, and my confidante's experiences are apparently not something that happens in your town.

But since you're not just looking for the sex anyway, I guess those stories don't apply anyway.

aflower2c replies on 9/20/2017 6:31 am:
And it applies to how physically hot she was, because that determines the effort a man will put into the sex.
But thanks, not everyone is into anonymous sex, but I suppose when you have thousands to puck from it becomes a numbers game. You can bang 5 a week and one would be good, so you report on the one good one. Lol

20920 posts
9/22/2017 7:33 pm

I can't remember back far enough to when I was your age, but I do know that I was engaging in endless hours of phone sex, which always included masturbation. It never occurred to me that my libido might be too high, so I'm not sure if I can identify with your problem.

But, 20 years later - having not had a sexual partner for more than 3 of those years (and intermittent - every few years a new guy for a 1 night stand), I have made a most disconcerting discovery now. One that I have not even written about on my own blog (although I do intend to).

I went from almost non-orgasmic when I was with my husband, and then with exploration became multi-orgasmic and a squirter. But, sadly - for the last 16 years there have rarely been any guys who got to enjoy my "talents".

Now, with some recent activity in the past few months (after a drought of 2 years), I have found that I am going through the inevitable changes of having had a hysterectomy and then going through menopause. My natural lubrication seems to have disappeared. Even with "some" lubricants, intercourse hurts and leaves me with a burning sensation for the next few days.

My warning - Don't Do Anything To Change Your Natural Libido. Mother Nature will have her own cruel tricks to play on you, later in life.

Come visit my blog, FMAOPLS, to learn more about me. Become a watcher or just lurk and perv. I enjoy lively discussion, so feel free to comment. Or check out my photos and videos and tell me what you like.

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aflower2c replies on 9/23/2017 7:37 am:
It's more of lowering my sex drive so I can just date and not have any expectations for sex in a relationship. For the amount if asexual and lower drive men that I have been meeting, it's pretty much the only way that I will find someone to date. Lol
Plus just look at how many men are in a relationship with lower sex drive women, seems they would rather be with that kind of woman than with someone that they are sexually matched with.
Seems there are far more lower sex drive men interested in women over 40, for which I envy those younger women that get a the good sex. Lol

But I have also heard of women having thier sex drive increase when they have a hysterectomy, so I guess it depends on your body.

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