Blonde Rambler
 
A potpourri of erotic musings
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Committed Relationships
Posted:Sep 20, 2017 9:10 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2017 11:51 pm
953 Views

***I wrote this craziness a few weeks ago; and out of this long, rambling non-sense, I carved out these posts as well:
Living in the Moment and Shakespeare
Mysteries of a Loon
Doomed to be My Mother Gawd, I hope not
Dispelling a man39s quotlike a rockquot image

I really was all over the place (probably not a surprise), and it just came out of me wondering why being in a committed relationship seems so important to me. I edited this part quite a bit just now, as the original was almost unbearable for even me to read in a am-I-really-that-insane kinda way. I think I still sound crazy, but I thought I'd share this.***


It's difficult for me to break free of my monogamistic tendencies.

Commitment equals Pain

If I'm not in a committed relationship, then I don't have to worry about being deceived, and made the fool. "How could I not notice? I am such an idiot? I thought I KNEW HIM!!! I DIDN'T KNOW HIM!!!" I have a hard time trusting men...they can change their mind in an instant. The first was Brian D, in high school. He was extremely passionate about me for two weeks, LOL, until he met what's her face. He came up to me and said, "I want to break up. I don't want to explain why...just stay away from me, and I'll stay away from you." Now, looking back, I can see that he was just a coward, driven by desires, but at the time it really hurt. Then Danny, also in high school. He was also "crazy" about me. I always felt that he liked me waaaaay more than I liked him. Listen to myself!! Then one day, between classes, I caught him in the school courtyard with Diana T. It was clear they had feelings for each other.

Lying, and HIDING stuff from me. I am always left to assume the worst.

Plus, if I'm in a committed relationship, I have to trust that this guy's feelings for me aren't going to change. Yes, he's affectionate today, he wants me around TODAY, he seems willing to work on the relationship TODAY, but what about NEXT YEAR? Or the FOLLOWING YEAR?! Or NINE YEARS from now?! I don't want to find myself in another long-ass relationship that ends up nowhere, and me in my 40's. If I stay free, then I can just hang around until I am absolutely SURE!!!!! I have know idea what I am Rambling on about. I am afraid of what I can't see coming. I don't trust my ability to HANDLE disappointment. I can't even see what is right in front of my fucking face! How can I forsee what is COMING! I have no business making choices for myself. I am horrible at making choices!!!!

OOOHHH. I guess I equate commitment with NO FREEDOM. Stuck.

Let's see, what else...I'm afraid that I won't have enough in common with a given person. That our values and beliefs will be different, but that I won't realize it until it's too late, and I'm trapped. TRAPPED TRAPPED TRAPPED. My marriage was like that. I'm afraid of being made a fool and getting trapped in the wrong relationship because I was either too naive to see it, or else the guy is deceiving me.

Sometimes I get scared for all my typical reasons, but I just keep moving forward. Because if I give up, then I will prove to myself that I am a total loser. The flip-side being that a successful committed relationship equates to winning. And I guess it does, in my mind for some fucking reason. I just don't know the rules; I don't even know what fucking game we're playing. I am tired of running. I believe in myself...Kind of...I have a choice to give into my fears and bail, or prove to myself that I can do this. Why do I need to prove to myself I can do this? No clue. I am trying to have faith in the process, the idea, that being in a committed relationship is what I want.

The pleasures of being in a committed relationship? Probably should have started with this.

Well, proving to myself that I CAN, for one. Having a sounding board, and a helping hand. Intimacy. Companionship. Community. Family. Very elusive, huh? Probably because I really don't know what the hell it truly means. And that scares me! The UNKNOWN. I'm drawing a blank here!!!! Ai yai yai. How can I express the pleasures of being in a committed relationship? I suck. I remember hearing that whatever problems a couple has, they will only be magnified after marriage. And THAT certainly proved true for me! Listen to me! I can't even do this!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all this verbal barfing. I feel rather doomed at the moment!
20 Comments
My lamest blog post to-date
Posted:Sep 20, 2017 8:42 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 9:01 pm
850 Views

The top of my ceiling fan was so dusty that dust globules were spilling over the edge. I cleaned it with paper towels and windex, but while I was up on a chair cleaning the fan, I glanced over at the top of the TV, and noticed that it also needed dusting. One thing led to another, and soon the top of all my baseboards and picture frames were dust-free as well.

A few hours later, I had a series of sneeze attacks. I took a shot of expired dayquil, only realizing it had expired after it was working it's way into my system. I googled: expired dayquil to waylay my sudden anxiety. I took the dayquil in the afternoon, 4ish, and at 2AM I was wide awake and anxious, staring at my ceiling. I barely slept that night.

My sneezing had turned into a runny nose by yesterday, and I started feeling congested. I bought Dayquil, Nyquil, and several allergy medicines yesterday after work. I decided to just take the Nyquil last night hoping to get some sleep. I don't know what it is about Nyquil (well I do now as I googled it) but it had the opposite affect of allowing me to have a good night sleep. I was restless and edgy all night.

And so today, after back to back restless, sleepless nights, I took a nap when I got home. I did not fall asleep, which I think is good, as I am hoping for complete body shutdown. I did not take any allergy medication, or medication of any kind, and I am hoping to just crash.

I have so much I want to write, but I lack the energy. I owe 1000 points to about 40 people from my name your favorite character blog, and I will send them out.

And I want to write about sensual dominance, cunnilingus, and what I think is an original take on BBC (no, not the news).

Maybe tomorrow.
14 Comments
New Contest...Everybody Wins
Posted:Sep 18, 2017 10:37 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 8:23 pm
1528 Views

One Contest ended today, and another one begins.

I gave out 5000 points to 30 people, but this time around

Everyone will win in this contest, as long as I have points to dole out.

Don't be the person who doesn't win. I will belittle you in front of the WHOLE world!!! or at least in front of 17 other people who read my blog. I have faith in you. If you are reading blogs, then you have all of the skills necessary to be a winner in my contest.

It's simple, just follow ALL the directions and you will get 1000 points from me (actually, I will tip you 1000 points, which equates to 800-900 actual points). Pretty Cool, huh?

If I run out of points, I will end this contest, but chances are, this contest will lose steam, or get lost in the Blog-Land archives, long before I run out of points.

Directions:
1. Name Your Favorite Character of all-time (preferably from a book, but I will accept a character from a Movie).
2. Name of Book and Author (or Movie Title)
3. ****Why do you identify with this character?**** MOST IMPORTANT part, the WHY. Do not leave it blank. Why. Why does this character inspire you? Why do you relate to this character? Why is this character your all-time favorite?
4. Your Favorite song to exercise to (I need to add songs to my iTunes, and I want ideas)

Here's my answer this time around:
I love Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany's, by Truman Capote. She is such a vibrant, independent, and eccentric character. And bisexual, I might add. On the surface, she is the very cliche of the beautiful and money hungry woman, but I just love how she just shatters the status quo--amazingly and enduringly idiosyncratic and nonconforming.

If I am jogging or hiking, I get highly energized when I hear "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by the Dropkick Murphys.

If you have never read any of my blogs, here are some sample readings:

Sensually Submissive
The Joy of Anal Sex
Caught Masturbating by a neighbor
SexyBitch, and our 3some
74 Comments
My Nonna!!! A funny story
Posted:Sep 17, 2017 9:11 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2017 6:54 am
1604 Views

I had the trippiest experience last night! I discovered myself slowly waking up, but in a half-asleep state. At that moment, I felt an unbelieveably strong love, and felt compelled to say "I Love You." And at that moment, I heard back, "I love you". And I waited for a moment, waiting for someone to appear. Thank God no one just appeared!!! But I fully expected someone to just materialize from the shadows.

Then I fell back asleep! But I definitely felt love.

And then I was sitting in my backyard with my Nonna. She passed away a few years before I bought this place, but everything about our conversation seemed like a memory. I can't recall exactly our conversation, but I remember she said, "you are a good girl, and your family loves you very much."

Yesterday, I shared a story about the Police (Sting was so hot!!!) showing up at Easter, responding to a Domestic Disturbance, even though everyone was having what I considered a normal family conversation. I used that story to illustrate the whack-job ways of my family. And I don't think that was really fair to paint them with that broad stroke. Because I could easily use that same story to illustrate just how passionate my family is.

My ex-husband on why he would shut down, would often say, "your version of talking is my version of fighting." And yesterday, I described my family as nut-jobs, but I would describe myself as extremely passionate. Haha. I am loud, and when I get excited or really into a conversation, I become even louder. Animated is a kind way to describe!!! I am not crazy, but my family is!!!! ūüėú

My family is a bunch of characters, though and my Nonna definitely was a character. She probably would have lived to 100, but she fell of her bike when she was 89, broke her hip, and spiraled down hill quickly, and died shortly after her 90th Birthday. Her entire family was born in Sicily (mom, dad, brothers and sisters), but her mother was pregnant when they travelled here, and so my Nonna was born in Boston, and lived in Boston and Connecticut until she was 5 years old. She moved back to Italy/Sicily with her family where she lived until she was around 35-40, when she moved back to the US.

She never really had a good grasp of the English language, but she spoke with no accent, or if anything, an East Coast Accent. Whereas my Nonno was very fluent in English, he always spoke with a thick Italian accent. Anyway, things like watching my Nona at a grocery store were always funny, because she did not speak with an accent, so people assumed she understood, and if she asked for help, they were perplexed at her inability to comprehend what they were saying.

Example:
"Campbell's soup is in aisle 3."
"Isle? What's an isle?"
"Excuse me?"
"You said isle, I don't know what you mean, isle."
"We're standing in aisle 6. You want to walk down to aisle 3, 3 aisles down."
"He means 'row,' Nonna."
"Row!!! Thank You Bella."
And then she would glance at the shelf stocker as if he was an idiot.

And one of the last conversations I remember having with her, she just returned from Italy. My husband was with me, so she spoke in English, telling us about her stay with her cousin Michael in a Coastal town in Italy.

"Oh the church bells, Bella, I could not believe!!! They sang Ave Maria!!! So AMAZING!!!! I ran to the Balcony!!! Scooch scooch!! And the town was so beautiful, Bella. The Sun was just getting up, and I could see the rooftops, and the Church Bells sang Ave Maria!!! She turned to my husband, "You see, the church bells they did not sing Ave Maria, but the bells dinged Ave Maria. Da Da Da Di Ah. You see? It was the bells..."
My husband, "yes, the bells did not have voices, but they chimed to the tune of Ave Maria."
"Exactly!!!! You are so smart. Exactly!!! They chimed Ave Maria!!! And I sang [she started singing loudly] "Ave Maria, Gratia plena, Dominus tecum"...And then this man, I don't know who he was, but this man, he started singing with me. He had such a beautiful voice. The voice of an Angel!!! I asked Michael, do you know who the man was who sang with me? He said, I don't know, but you woke up the whole town. HeeHee. I felt bad, because it was early, the sun had not got up yet, but it was so beautiful. All day I asked, was that you who sang Ave Maria this morning? I never found him."
19 Comments
Mysteries of a Loon
Posted:Sep 16, 2017 10:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 8:46 pm
1712 Views

I crave intimacy and honesty. Seems simple enough, but take into consideration that the intensity of my desire could be considered a FAULT...like, being too needy.   

"He's not good enough" is not taking into consideration the HIDDEN TRUTH... that I might need too much. I might need more than is humanly possible, which unfortunately would imply that I am impossible to satisfy...by ANYONE.


I had a series of dreams last night that I wrote down and interpreted. I'll share what I wrote down as my interpretation..."The negative aspect of my masculine self is that I have a tendency to be arrogant and manipulative.  The negative aspect of my feminine self is my tendency to be meddling, demanding and controlling.  These aspects of myself are deeply rooted, from my family I suspect, and they cause me suffering.  I am seeking out something that exists only in my imagination.  Physical manifestations of my imagination will never be as perfect as I imagine. Moreover, when my imagination "seems" to be taking forms - even MULTIPLE forms - too many choices, basically, it invites scrutiny and judgement, making decisions impossible.  Worst of all, my judgement is based on projection, rather than reality. I am projecting misconceptions onto delusions.  Solution? Simplicity and discovery seem to bring me the most joy."
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It stands to reason that a meddling person needs someone who self-discloses at the drop of the hat.  One might consider it selfish to be this way.  A controlling person needs someone who can be manipulated, or at least controlled.  It's not on purpose, it's blind, for me.  So, in order to be what I (delusionally) consider to be "the right person for me", a person has to be selflessly vulnerable and willing to be manipulated, among other ridiculous things.  If a person is not, then they are not "good enough," as if these traits were considered good!!!!  The truth is, what THINK I need and what I REALLY need could be as different as black and white...so if you are trying to fit into what I THINK I need, not only would you be succumbing to my blind-sighted desires, but it may not necessarily fit into what I REALLY need.  What I REALLY need is a freakin MYSTERY to my ass.
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Do you want to be the "right person" for a stinkin LOON?  What would that make YOU???  HA!!!
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The message I am sending is slippery and elusive.  Is it providing any insights into my imperfect complexity?  I am trying to figure out my own ass in the process.
13 Comments
50000 Points in Literary Trivia
Posted:Sep 16, 2017 4:48 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2017 10:40 pm
1991 Views

Here is the best description of a man ever: "he looked like the love thoughts of women. He could be a bee to a blossom - a pear tree blossom in the spring. He seemed to be crushing scent out of the world with his footsteps. Crushing aromatic herbs with every step he took. Spices hung about him. He was a glance from God."

Question 1: The Name of the Character Described above 10,000 Points

Question 2: Who is my second Favorite character of all time? Clue, he lived in the moment, he's from a classic American Novel, and I have been fucked in an alley named after this Author (located next to Vesuvio's in San Francisco) 10,000

Question 3: 1000 points each for the first 15 people who respond. Must include the following information: Character's Name, Title of Book, Name of Author, and why you liked this particular character. Who is your favorite female character ever?

Question 4: 1000 points each for the first 15 people who respond. Must include the following information: Character's Name, Title of Book, Name of Author, and why you liked this particular character. Who is your favorite Male character ever?
68 Comments
2 more 5000 point winners today, and 4 10000 point winners tomorrow
Posted:Sep 16, 2017 2:17 pm
Last Updated:Sep 18, 2017 9:14 pm
1815 Views

Lustfulpassion68 and snickers594 each won 5000 points today in my 5000 Points per day for a month contest. I also tipped over 40 more people a 1000 points, just because.

Just make a quick comment and you're in. I am picking 2 more winners, one tomorrow, and one Monday.

I already gave away 40,000 points in my Super Sunday Super Duper Point GiveAway, but there is 160,000 points I've yet to dole out. I am randomly picking 4 people tomorrow morning and giving them each 10000 points. The following Sunday I am randomly picking 2 people and giving them 20,000 points each, and then the following week, I will randomly pick 2 people and give them each 40,000 points.

You just need to comment one time in each contest, and you are in for all drawings.

If you have never read any of my blogs, here's a sample:
Sensually Submissive
The Joy of Anal Sex
Caught Masturbating by a neighbor
SexyBitch, and our 3some
27 Comments
Doomed to be My Mother? Gawd, I hope not!
Posted:Sep 16, 2017 9:48 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 8:48 pm
1879 Views

I feel like I don't know HOW to have a healthy relationship. What examples do I have? My parents are FUCKING FREAKS! They love me, and I love them, and I suppose they love each other, which I just don't get...as they are highly dysfunctional. My mother is very demanding, and I believe I can be too, which is very depressing. I don't want to be like my mother, and yet I catch myself doing it. And I do stop if I catch myself, but it takes a great deal of mindfulness, because it comes automatically. As if I'm hardwired to be demanding. I don't want to disappoint anybody.

Why can't I have a healthy relationship?...I'm afraid that I won't have enough in common with a given person. That our values and beliefs will be different, but that I won't realize it until it's too late, and I'm trapped. TRAPPED TRAPPED TRAPPED. I'm afraid of being made a fool and getting trapped in the wrong relationship because I was either too naive to see it, or else the guy is deceiving me.

I have a tendency to run from my problems. My mother was driving me absolutely out of my mind when I was a teenager. I went off to College with no plans to ever return. Finally, she's out of my hair. I called her everyday for the first 2 months of college. I torture myself. To this day, I still haven't been able to figure out how to get along with her....it's futile. It's very sad, really. We've tried, and failed. My relationship with my mother, in my opinion, is one of my biggest failures.

I love my Dad, a good guy, really, but he avoids her, too...just hides in his garage working on his hot rods or finding busy work with the animals. He can't deal with her. He purposely leaves his hearing aid off, so he doesn't have to listen to her "bitching and moaning," as he is fond to say. "Hi Dad, how's mom?" "Just bitching and moaning." After my divorce, I moved in with them for awhile, and I would hear my mom yelling throughout the house, and my dad would just keep responding, "huh?" It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

My family is just a bunch of nut-jobs. Up and down on both sides. The cousins, the younger generation, all think we're normal, it's just our parent's who are whack-jobs. Are we doomed to be just like them? I remember being at my Uncle's house one Easter, and the police showed up, responding to a domestic disturbance. I was laying on the couch, my head on my Mother's lap. Just our family's version of after dinner conversation. The police showed up, 2 police cars, and 4 officers, and everyone was in an uproar--"WHAT? WE'RE JUST TALKING!...WHO SAID WE'RE FIGHTING?" The police report just read: "no domestic disturbance to report, just a bunch of very loud nut-jobs."

Deep down I feel like I'm not good enough, which I'm sure is from my mother. She's always finding something wrong with me, to this day. I'm better, but I still have a long way to go. I just tolerate her criticism, barely.

"Love is correction," she used to say. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? My brothers are so fucking lucky they have me. They never call her, "fuck that," they say. I go 2 days without calling, and I feel guilty. I guess that's my problem, but, still, they are still lucky to have me!
16 Comments
Writing for the sake of writing
Posted:Sep 15, 2017 8:36 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2017 10:20 am
2011 Views

Today, when I wrote A healthy dose of existential angst, I couldn't think of anything to write. I started describing where I was: a kitten on my lap, a dimwitted dog at my feet, in a room, in a town, in a state, in a country, on a planet and so on....with no agenda other than to just write.

And often I write this way with no intention other than to just write. Flesh out ideas racing through my mind and giving them life on the page in front of me. Sometimes I chase a thought, not really sure where it's leading me, just going with the flow. Sometimes I find blobs ideas clogging my mind and I try sort them out and give them shape. If I were to write an essay, or became really serious about creating my own personal ethos, I would research the subject matter, write an outline, develop a chain of thoughts, articulate an argument or point of view, and so on. But usually what you read is just me Rambling.

I don't necessarily try to be entertaining or thought provoking on here, but sometimes I just crack myself up with the shit that comes out. And sometimes I come up with little gems that I think are worth sharing. And I like that I can share my thoughts here and receive instant feedback. It's why I offered points via my contests because I wanted more followers as the feedback gives me fuel to write more, and writing is cathartic for me. Spending an hour or two writing about anything, and getting just one response, "I like your ass," is such a let down. I write for the sake of writing, but when I am sharing what I write with others, I try a little harder. And receiving feedback, even criticism is healthy as it forces me to put just a little more thought and effort into what I choose to share.

I still write in journals, which no one really reads but me, and most are just filled with non-sense. And the existential angst blog was non-sense that started forming into a shape. I read it, and it made me laugh, and I thought don't share this, I sound crazy. And I think it sounds crazy, and I think it is so me. The entire cathartic writing exercise was worth it for this little gem: "...Amazing how tiny I am, yet still totally consumed with my tiny little world, a slave to the broken records that play in my mind. If my broken record disagrees with someone else's broken record, war begins..."

On a side note, I just wrote about commitment and I really sound like a loon. I want to share it, but I feel the need to preface it. Or edit in a way so the reader knows I know I am crazy.
17 Comments
A healthy dose of existential angst
Posted:Sep 15, 2017 3:59 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2017 1:21 pm
2133 Views

I thought to myself, let's write something really sexy, something clit rubbing, cock stroking sexy. Nothing.

So here I am in my little room with my little kitten and my slightly retarded dog in a beautiful little town on the Western Slope of the Sierra Nevada Mountains in North Central, California... United States of America, Planet Earth, hurtling through space, orbiting around the sun along with 8 other planets, which I'm sure aren't conscious of their label as "planets", let alone their individualized names of Jupiter, Mars, Venus, Pluto (no longer a planet), Uranus, Neptune...wow, I forgot two...Are there 7 other planets or 8? Imagine that...I forgot the names of 2 gigantic planets, likely larger than our planet earth. They have existed for longer than I, and will continue to exist long after I'm gone, and I don't even have enough reverence for them to recall their names. Well, then again, they are far more significant than any human label we place upon them. A nameless rose would smell as sweet, right? [note to self: Google Planets in our Solar System].

Amazing how tiny I am, yet still totally consumed with my tiny little world, a slave to the broken records that play in my mind. If my broken record disagrees with someone else's broken record, war begins. Somehow I exist. By some inexplicable miracle, I exist. My chosen belief is that my spirit peers out at this mysterious world through my senses. Specifically my eyeballs, which move with the help of six extrinsic eye muscles, and the optical nerve which connects into the visual cortex of the brain, which starts an unbelievably fast neurological and chemical chain of events involving muscles, stimulation of other parts of the brain, release of hormones into the endocrine system, to name a few. Our bodies are involuntary multitasking machines. I'm a fucking loon. But where does consciousness reside? Ai, there's the rub.

Where am I? My chosen belief (because without a chosen belief, I'm left vulnerable) is that my experience here is meant to be a learning, growing experience. So what am I here to learn? Looking back over my life, I would guess I need to learn commitment, trust, compassion, understanding... everything that is moving in a positive direction, I suppose. Everything we do has an effect. Everything. My chosen occupation does seem to directly "serve" humanity, but not to the extent I had hoped. The truth is (my chosen belief, again) is that my greatest gift to the world is not what I do, but who I am. One of the hardest things to do is simply to be kind to every one I come into contact with, everyday, regardless. Mother Theresa said "If you are kind, people will take advantage of you, but be kind anyway." I do believe in the importance of being mindful of my choices. HA! Funny, how this whole monologue on existentialism just circles back to little old me. It's the human experience I suppose. And in the words of Stevie Nicks, "it all comes down to you. Well, you KNOW that it does."
21 Comments
Dispelling a man's "like a rock" image
Posted:Sep 14, 2017 10:49 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 8:57 pm
2299 Views

I appreciate vulnerability...it's REAL. I'm not afraid of it. And most men seem to think vulnerability is a weakness. It's funny, the more vulnerable a man is with me the more like a rock he seems. Disclosure and openness provides me with understanding, and understanding brings solidarity. The solidarity of a rock.
21 Comments
Living in the Moment and Shakespeare
Posted:Sep 14, 2017 10:36 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2017 8:45 pm
2224 Views

I just listened to Living in the Moment by Jason Mraz a few times. It resonated with me, as it's a very Buddhist, philisophical song, and he presents it so well, so simply. I thought I'd take a quick stab at it, see what I come up with, without sounding too New Age-y.

I'll borrow the words of Shakespeare to Illustrate my point of view. Hamlet pondered, "To be or not to be"...and overwhelmed himself with indecisiveness regarding what action he should take. "What should I do?", is really what he's asking. Later in the play, he concluded "Readiness all." It's one thing to ponder actions and choices, but ultimately, he felt it more important to simply be ready for anything. Basically, to set aside the idea of action choices, and live in the moment, just be ready. Not any easy task of course. A friend once said, and I'll paraphrase, "we don't lift a finger without some kind of expectation and intention, but with a clear mind devoid of judgement and preconceived plans, we can truly "see" things for what they really are, and therefore respond with clarity."

So I suppose that is what I am trying to do. I'm trying not to analyze or preconceive. I'm going to do my best to live in the moment. Does this make sense?

All this time, the river flows...right now. Can you feel it?
12 Comments
A Lesbian's Object of Desire (My first time with a woman)
Posted:Sep 14, 2017 8:20 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2017 7:28 pm
2328 Views

I kissed girls for fun, or as dares, at parties or bars, but they were not bisexual experiences. I considered myself a bisexual virgin, and not really attracted to women, at least not sexually.

Diane changed that. Stacy and I were dorm neighbors, teammates, and becoming best friends; and Diane was another friend of her's. They were both openly lesbian, and often flirted with each other, but I did not suspect they were seeing each other sexually. They flirted with me, too, in a very teasing way, more teasing than sexual.

Then, I started dating a guy from the baseball team. He was in the dorms with Stacy and I, and as we started spending more time together, I spent less time with Stacy and Diane. My relationship with Diane remained the same, but Stacy became more distant toward me. Probably my insecurity, but I thought that it was because of my boyfriend.

We all stayed friends though, just saw each other a lot less. My new boyfriend turned out to be a jerk, and I dumped him after only a few months. And soon I started spending more time with Stacy and Diane once again. We were studying after practice one night at Diane's apartment. I was wearing short, grey cotton gym shorts, and Diane asked me, "can I rub your butt?" I asked, "what?" She laughed and said, "I just want to squeeze your butt." Almost surprised, I asked, "you do?" They both started laughing. Stacy said, "you have an amazing ass, and you're flaunting it by wearing those shorts. That's what she's saying." I knew I had a nice ass, but I was very flattered. And a little embarrassed.

And backtracking, whereas Stacy and I lived in the Freshman Dorms together, Diane had her own apartment. She was a junior, and a few weeks after she said she wanted to rub and squeeze my ass, she turned 21. She went bar hopping with a few friends, and after her night of free shots, another friend hosted a surprise party, which I attended. A mix of people attended, but the majority were gay women. 20 people or so. Stacy and I mostly hung out together at first, then went outside as we could hear Diane laughing loudly. She was with a group of friends chatting on the outdoor patio, all of them sitting on the ground, as there was no outdoor furniture. We hugged and I wished Diane a happy birthday as we hadn't really talked to her yet that night. Loudly, and drunk, laughing she said, "I thought you were going to wear your booty shorts for my birthday." I laughed, embarrassed. She said to everybody, "want to see the most amazing ass ever?" I was wearing a short white and yellow sundress, and she said come here. I walked over to her, she sort of grabbed my hips, holding my dress tight against my butt. My ass facing everyone, she said, "Look at this ass. Look!" She squeezed my butt cheeks as she gave me a big hug. Diane and was loud and funny and obnoxious, so nothing she said or did ever shocked me, and I was not offended or anything. Simultaneously flattered and embarrassed, yes, but not shocked or offended. And for a full two minutes everyone was talking about my butt. I enjoyed the attention. 5 or 6 of us stayed outside chatting and drinking for several hours before house music began blasting. Then we all went inside to dance.

I soon found myself dancing with Diane and Stacy, grinding on each other, laughing. Stacy left, and never returned, so it was just Diane and I dancing together, our bodies grinding, tits touching. Diane had a Xena the Warrior Princess type body. She was tall, a little taller than me, with long thick muscular legs, big breasts, and wide shoulders. She had dark brown hair which she almost always had up in a pony tail, as she did that night. And she had really shiny, sparkly hazel blue eyes. Mischievous eyes. Smart and always up to something kinda eyes. Our bodies grinding, I turned my back to Diane so my ass was facing her. I felt her body against my ass, and I enjoyed teasing her a bit with it. She had both hands on my hips, and pulled me into her close. Her hands moved to my shoulders, and she started kissing my neck. More licking than kissing as I felt her tongue sliding in slow long strokes. It felt really good, and then I felt her hands on my tits. Her right hand moved inside my dress and she caressed my left nipple from behind. It was not a long caress, but it felt wonderful. Her mouth was nibbling my ear, and then her tongue began licking. That's my weakness, my ears, and I could feel my legs wobble, and I became very aroused. Sensing it maybe, she said, "let's go outside."

She led me outside by the hand to a dark area against a wall. Immediately, she started kissing me. It was a powerful kiss, like being kissed by a guy, only softer. Her lips were so soft, and her tongue soft and strong. She had my hands in hers and her body pressed against mine, my back against the wall. She lifted my hands up above my head, pinning them. Her breasts pressed hard against mine. She kissed me like a guy, like the really good guy kissers do, but everything was softer and more sensual. Firm and strong, but soft. And not just because of her having no facial stubble. Her lips were softer, much softer than any guys. And even her tongue felt softer than a guy's. Well, her tongue felt really strong and powerful, but it moved with purpose, not darting around aimlessly, and there was a sensuality to her tongue that made it seem soft. I tried to kiss her back the same way, but I just gave in to her. Her right hand moved down my body. She reached under my dress and pulled my panties down, and they dropped to my ankles. She kept kissing me, but I almost stopped paying attention as her fingers pressed against my clit. She pressed two fingers down on my clit, firmly, but not too hard, and gently stroked me. Sensations started shooting through my body. She then added a third finger, and still flat against my clit, she started moving her hand fast back and forth and I began to cum. I started cumming so hard, and it lasted so long. It was almost like two orgasms in a row. I was very loud, and I know others heard me. As my orgasm came to an end, she pulled her hand off from my pussy, and her lips from my mouth. She said, "let's go back in." She held my hand, and when we got inside she let go of my hand and headed toward the bathroom.

I poured my self a glass of wine, and looked for Stacy. I still could not find her. I made small talk with a few people. A few others from softball were there, so I hung with them for an hour or so. I was feeling tired, it was a week night, with an early class looming, so I said goodbye. I wished Diane a happy birthday, we hugged, and she kissed me on the mouth. Not a sexual kiss, but it was a lover's kiss. I walked home thinking about it. Typical of me, I started to wonder who heard, who knows, and what people might say. I was not worried, but it occupied my mind on the walk home.

I went to school the next day. Stacy missed class, so I texted her. I still had one of those phones where in order to text, if you wanted to type the letter C, for example, you had to press the 2 button twice very quickly. I was amazingly fast at it though. She said she was hung over, and would see me at practice. I typed Diane a message to see how she was feeling, and I didn't hear back. Then right before practice, both Stacy and Diane, within minutes of each other, texted me that they would both miss practice. I was surprised at Stacy, as I think she drank less than me, but I was not surprised that Diane was missing practice.

After practice, I went to the dorms, showered, and put on gym shorts and a sweatshirt. I walked toward downtown, passing Diane's apartment. I thought about going by to say hello, but decided to just go hang out in downtown for awhile. I had a book with me, Moll Flanders, and was about to go to a cafe to read. But then I passed Jamba Juice, and decided to buy two and bring one to Diane. I knocked, and she answered her door wearing a white The Strokes T-shirt and batman boxers. I handed her a Jamba Juice. "Oh my god, thank you, you don't know how much I need this." She had a pitcher of water and an empty top ramen cup on her coffee table, with Jackie Brown playing on her television. We chatted for awhile, and then she said, "I hoped I didn't scare you off last night" "No, that felt amazing. You did not scare me off. At All." "Thank you, that was a nice birthday present." "I should be thanking you, it felt SO good." "I wanted to do more, but I didn't want to freak you out." "You didn't freak me out; I didn't want you to stop." We kind of stared at each other, somewhat awkwardly. I kind of laughed, "hmm." She said, "yeah, hmm.......hmm.... come here."

I got up and walked over to her. I stood in front of her, and she said take your clothes off. I took my sweatshirt off, and then untied my gym shorts, letting them fall. Her clothes still on, we started kissing. She had my ass in her hands and she was squeezing. She pushed me down on the couch. My legs spread, she laid on top of me. We kissed, and I put my arms around her. She started licking my neck, and then got to my ear. I don't know what it is about my ears being nibbled or licked, but shock waves were sent through me and I became really horny, and even started to moan.

She moved down my body, and suddenly I felt her tongue circling my nipples. My body was writhing. She felt so good, pinching one nipple while sucking the other, going back and forth. Then her mouth moved down my belly and suddenly I felt her breathing on my pussy. She placed her tongue on my clit and softly licked back and forth. Just lightly at first, then firmly, then lightly again. I started to cum almost right away. After I came, she opened up my pussy with her fingers. Her tongue dove right in and she began to tongue fuck me. She stimulated my clit with her nose as she licked and tongued my pussy, and I began to cum again.

She got up from me, and led me to her bedroom. She took off her clothes, and we kissed, tasting my pussy on her lips. She stopped and I watched her body move as she walked over to her closet to retrieve a black leather bag, something like a doctor from an old western movie might have. She opened it revealing an arsenal of sex toys, all in ziplock bags. She rummaged through, taking out 3, of various shapes and sizes. She also went to her closet to select a black leather harness, though at that moment, I was not sure what I was looking at.

She had me get on all fours, and she knelt behind me, massaging my ass in her hands. She said, "wow, you're a prize." She then started licking my pussy all the way to my asshole, just up and down, up and down. She stopped, and I heard her open one of her bags. I then felt hard plastic press against the lips of my pussy. She teased my clit and my pussy lips with it before turning it on to vibrate mode. I used vibrators on myself before, but there is something about someone else using one on me. She alternated between fucking me with it, to stimulating my clit. The vibrator was overstimulating. I almost came several times, never quite getting there. She stopped for a minute. I heard her opening another bag and putting on her harness. I was not sure what she was doing at the moment, I just heard it and wondered what was going on behind me. She began lubing my pussy. I was super wet, so I was not sure how necessary it was, but she lubed away. I then felt a dildo slowly entering me. It was fairly thick, and my pussy stretched to allow it in. Her pelvis pressed against my ass, and she began to slowly fuck me. She had my hips in her hands as she slapped her body against my ass. She started fucking me faster, and I began to fuck her back. I was so close to cumming, just on the verge, but it just kept getting away. Then she reached around and rubbed my clit as she fucked my pussy. I came almost immediately. She went back to just fucking me for awhile, before her fingers returned. Again, I came almost instantly.

Then as she returned to fucking me really hard, I felt her thumb rubbing my asshole. She pounded me, as she spread my ass apart and thumbed my tight little hole. She then squirted me with lube and inserted a finger very slowly into my ass. I got a little nervous as the last few times I tried to let a guy fuck my ass, it really hurt and didn't last very long. But this felt good. She finger fucked my ass very gently and slowly, while continuing to pound my pussy. She soon had two fingers in my ass; though very tight, it felt really good. She started to rotate her fingers almost like she was crossing them, then uncrossing them. I would not say her dildo felt better than a real cock, but she knew how to fuck. At that point in my life, I had never cum from just doggie style. I didn't with her, but I was so close so many times. I think maybe I was chasing it too much, wanting it to happen, but I remembered thinking, wow I can cum from doggie style.

I heard her opening another ziplock back and soon felt a toy going into my ass. It felt very big, and I was nervous. She continued to fuck me, while stretching my asshole with what turned out to be a fairly small butt plug. She took her time, and because my pussy felt so good, I hardly noticed that the butt plug was all the way in. She started going in and out of my ass slowly, but fucking me hard with the strap on. Our bodies were really sweaty. She pounded my ass and pussy really hard. I could not believe I wasn't cumming. I was so close. She made feel so fucking good though. I asked her if I could get on top.

She laid on her back, and I climbed on top of her. I laid chest to chest with her, and we started making out as I inserted her dildo into my pussy. Her breasts were very big and her body felt amazing under mine. I raised up and started grinding my clit on her pubic hair as she grabbed my breasts. I was able to make myself cum quickly. I looked down at her, as she fucked me with her eyes closed. She had her hands on my hips as I bounced hard on her. She was pretty in a tomboyish kind of way, never wearing any makeup. Right then she looked so beautiful, beads of sweat dripping down the side of her cheeks . I came several more times.

I asked her if I could try to please her, but she said she would want to shower first. Actually, she said you would probably want me to shower first. So, we just cuddled and I licked and sucked her nipples. We got together one other time, and it was even better. I never got to lick her pussy though, and it was several years later, married, and living in San Francisco before I had My Second Lesbian Experience.
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