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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
When I think about you I don't touch myself
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When I think about you I don't touch myself Masturbation sucks - there , I said it . And any man who says otherwise is a filthy liar . I probably screwed myself over by not masturbating the first time until I was also having regular sex but I can't exactly unring that bell . Besides why would I want to ? The whole process is a waste of time . Why ? Well I'm glad you asked . After much soul searching I've narrowed it down to 3 very well thought out reasons . 1 - It takes too long 2 - It makes my arm hurt 3 - The payout isn't that great Also to save you some time here's the rebuttals to those arguments - 1 - You're not doing it right 2 - You're a puss 3 - See #1 But those points are all flimsy and ill-conceived and I all ignore them . The problem is that most likely masturbation is a skill like any other - you only get good at it with practice . But who has that kind of time ? Well I do , but I'm too lazy to do it . I should just outsource the whole thing to India . But that just brings up another sex of problems . Namely that I'd have to get a guy because women suck at giving handjobs . And trust me , having an Indian guy jerk me off is the last thing I need . My heterosexual street cred is pretty lame as it is . Why do women suck at the art of handsex ? I haven't quite figured that one out yet . I assume its the same reason men suck at everything sexually - they don't have enough access to the right equipment . Also they probably do it poorly on purpose because of the whole pay inequity thing in this country . And who can blame them ? I can . Because lady masturbation seems to be pretty awesome from what I've been told . Now for a quick poll - which is a better euphemism for lady masturbation ? A - Cliticure B - Rubbing the love nub Right so would you women give up your masturbation powers for 26 more cents on the dollar ? Think hard about that one . Plus that's not all . You'd also have to give up multiple orgasms . Hitting below the belt I know , but there it is . Jealousy is a powerful tool of oppression you know . So , getting back to the main point of all this - since masturbation sucks and sex only happens for movie stars what I am left with ? Alcohol ? Drugs ? An eating disorder ? I say nay . Instead I choose the great American pasttime of being surly and disinterested in anything people have to say to me . Is it a poor substitute for sexual satisfaction ? Of course , but you have to play with the cards life dealt you . I'm holding nothing , but like Luke says "Sometimes nothing can be a pretty cool hand ." Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Like most artists I did my best work when no on appreciated it How long does it take to become a reborn virgin ? I have to get getting pretty close Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I had to go back to see when your first post was. You have me beat by a few months - mine was October 06. But, I have 87 pages worth of blogs and you have 81, nyah nyah. Have you changed your mind about masturbation? Or about women's ability to give a good hand job? [image1]   
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