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Warning - sincere post  

40Deuce 46M
4633 posts
2/16/2018 6:03 pm

Last Read:
2/19/2018 4:48 pm

Warning - sincere post


Whoo boy, that was awkward read this blog post by my good friend and spiritual advisor SAW , or don't if you don't want to .

The point is in the comments she says the following (in part) ;

"I don't seem to feel a strong attraction to men anymore. You know, the kind of feelings where you're thinking/fantasizing about him all the time, and any time you send a or email you're in agony until he replies."

Being self centered upon reading this I thought to myself "I've never felt that way" . Not even close . I've never felt anything other than apprehension and a sick feeling of lessness when I was in a relationship . No matter how much I liked the lady I was dating there were days when I dreaded picking up the ph (I'm old you see , back in those days people ed each other) because it might be her and I didn't want to have the stress of that interaction . Not all the time , or even most of the time , but a significant minority of time I would live in dread about my girlfriend contacting me .

The first thing I wonder is maybe only women feel like what SAW deribes, which is possibly sexist .

The second thing I wonder is if maybe I never really gave any of these relationships a chance . Maybe I could have felt that way .

The third thing I wonder is if there's something really wrong with me . No , ratch that , not wrong , just different . I have a hard time imagining feeling that way about some . And maybe that's just how I am . And maybe that's okay .

I'm sure some people would be like "you're missing out on so much" any maybe I am , but that's just life you know ? I'll never connect with music the way some people will . And to them that might consider that a great tragedy because to them music is so important . But really it's just a difference like any other right ?

Some people feel certain ways about certain things . Does that mean anything is "missing" from their lives ? Should they go to therapy to try and be different ?

There's an interesting double standard about self-acceptance . Every seems to encourage it , yet when you accept yourself and yourself isn't so much like every else then it's not okay .

It's a bit odd .

The end

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lustasaurus 46F
1838 posts
2/16/2018 6:50 pm

That never happens to me at the beginning of any relationship. I do my best, but being with someone new is a matter of working through my own consternation. Sex is usually terrifying and totally not-for-me, at least until after the first time or two. Then I start to warm up to 'em and my attachment builds.

There have been a few exceptions, most recently during my first pregnancy, 5 years ago. I had all of the spacey smittenness. But I was also trying to rationalize cheating on my husband so even though I was blinded by lust, I had a healthy amount of skepticism about whether it was "the heart wants what it wants" or if I just have some manipulative motherfucker living deep inside my head and trying to create drama.


TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
2/16/2018 7:04 pm

I think I've had both what she and you describe in one relationship. Possibly in one day. I never feel confident enough at first to get smitten, and by the time I do it seems.... too late? I dunno. I think it's ok to feel however you feel best. If that changes, so be it, it's your feel.


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
2/16/2018 7:29 pm

It may be sexist, but I sort of think you might be right that dizzying crushes are more of a thing for women. At least, most of the time when I was anxiously wondering when I was going to get a reply to my text or email; I got a sense that for the guy it was no biggie. But then maybe that means I've only had one situation where my crush was truly reciprocated.

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear from some of the other guys on this one.

And it makes me feel sad that you've always felt apprehension and helplessness in a relationship. I do know what you mean, the initial stage of a relationship where you're worried about screwing up can be exhausting. There is something to be said for reaching the 'like a comfortable old shoe' stage, even if it's not as exciting.


wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
2/19/2018 12:59 pm

the agony thing connotes a lack of trust to me that doesn't feel safe or even happy.

when i was most in love, i felt sort of above the fray in a way. i think that's how you know it's real.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


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