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Uncle Ted’s Hee-Haw Hoedown Country Rasslin’ Hootenanny and Clambake  

40Deuce 46M
4633 posts
10/29/2017 5:01 pm

Last Read:
10/31/2017 5:41 pm

Uncle Ted’s Hee-Haw Hoedown Country Rasslin’ Hootenanny and Clambake


Did you know there's a chess match from 1851 that has had multiple books written and at least two movies made about it ? I didn't . The world is a wonderful place .

Time for a classic 40deuce grocery store tale . I got up super de duper early this morning to do the grocery shopping and I saw an item on the shelf called Cunt Nuts . I can only assume this product is manufactured by a country in which English is not the primary language (or perhaps a country where that particular word isn't an issue - that's possible right ? ) but still the store has to realize right ? I feel like the store manager would be like "Oh no , we can't put that out there" . But then I wondered , can they even do that ? If my dream of being the manager of a Hy-Vee comes true can I call that shot or am I a powerless figurehead who has to sell whatever comes in the door ?

Also a question - why is beef jerky so expensive ? I've never actually even tried it but since I'm off the sugar I keep considering it as a snack item and then I see it's like 10 damn dollars for a bag . What's the deal ? I can get a pound of actual hamburger for 3 bucks . Is it jerked lobster ?

Speaking of did you know there's some kind of green slime inside lobsters that rich people each as a delicacy ? Rich people are messed up .

After shopping I went to church for the first time in quite a while and I was checking out some of the ladies - which is wrong of course , and I'm not going to say that I couldn't help myself because I'm not a baboon , I could have made an effort not to do it , but for a dude like me that's the only time I get to see women looking really flossy for the most part . Occasionally a woman at work will really dress up but it's rare . I mean obviously these women put on their Sunday best for me to ogle them right ?

I hate to indulge in our cultural obsession with pretending things used to be better , but it does seem like we're living in slovenly times clothingwise . And I admit that I am no poster boy for dressing sharply but still it seems like half the people out there are in flip-flops and sweatpants most of the time . The real bummer for you lady types is that I am not a snappy dress at all but I'm still better dressed than a bunch of dudes running around out there in their faded concert Ts and cargo shorts . I've mentioned this before but you really notice that when you're in Vegas - you see this women all tricked out to the gills and then the dude with them looks one step above a vagrant .

Point is as services were letting out this days to his brother - I don't even think Satan is a big deal . So I says to him I says ;

"What , you think the Devil lives in some sort of condo down in Florida? Yeah-huh . See , see , the thing about people like you is that you think that the Devil lives in some sort of houseboat , just drinkin' daiquiris and listenin' to Jimmy Buffet . People like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of abandoned railroad car , just travelin' from state to state , eatin' sardines out of a can and tellin' stories to strangers , and pettin' his scraggly little that he has . See , people like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of magical hot air balloon kingdom , where he just zooms around on a Segway scooter and watches soap operas , and does Sudoku ! People like you think that the Devil lives in some sort of rundown laundry detergent factory , where he just eats candy canes out of a box that he has , and he just writes short stories , and twirls his hair ! You see , people like you think that the Devil is some sort of stowaway on Paul Simon's tour bus , just travelin' across America and eatin' Teddy Grahams , and when people fall asleep , spittin' them in their ears ! See , people like you , think that the Devil lives on some jewel-encrusted surfboard , just floatin' in the middle of a wave pool , just readin' romance novels , and thinkin' about boys ! People like you think that the Devil lives on a Hollywood movie studio set that's made to look like a World War II fighter jet and he just lounges around all day , gettin' baked , and callin' his friends and hangin' up on 'em !"

That's when I noticed he had walked away while I saw talking .

The other day I watched a video of porn stars trying to do math while on a Sybian . The whole premise of which is 100% flawed . First of all if there's anyone in this world who's NOT going to get distracted by having stuff shoved up their personal zones it's a porn star . That's what they do . Honestly I bet most of them don't even notice if something gets up there by accident . It makes no sense .

And secondly , and I really hesitate to express this thought because it's awful - how good do you think porn stars are at math anyway ? I mean I try to think of porn stars as people of normal intelligence but the sad fact is that 97% of the time when I see them in an interview or such they seem dumb as nails . And maybe that's just like a front they put on because they want men to want them and they think (possibly correctly) that seeming smart will hurt that , but it's something of a stretch that they'd all be doing it . I really hope they're working me with that , but I fear that they aren't .

Point is I declare porn stars doing math on a Sybian to be a failure of concept .

And that's the bottom line .

Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


40Deuce 46M
5725 posts
10/29/2017 5:03 pm

The hardest part of writing is coming up with an explanation for the confusing and inconsistent grammar the reader is about to experience

Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.


superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
10/29/2017 5:30 pm

Aaaaand ....he doesn't tell us the name of the books or movie about the chess match. I bet the Devil had a hand in that decision.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


40Deuce replies on 10/30/2017 5:29 pm:
I am not a concierge , I am merely a messenger

superbjversion2 68F  
24388 posts
10/29/2017 5:32 pm

btw - I think this is one of the best random titles you've ever come up with. With which you have come up

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


iwalkstilts 48M
2869 posts
10/29/2017 11:12 pm

And all this time I've been thinking the Devil lives down in Georgia!


40Deuce replies on 10/30/2017 5:30 pm:
No the Devil just goes down there looking for souls to steal

smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
10/30/2017 12:17 am

That's funny, just on Friday a friend was telling the story of a bdsm scene where he was making his bottom do math problems while he whaled on her. Fractions, specifically, like what is 8/5ths plus 3/8ths?

(I hate fractions- that part would have been worse punishment than being whaled on)


40Deuce replies on 10/30/2017 5:31 pm:
Did the top have an answer key or how did they know if the math was done correctly ?

FullOn4U 58M
20399 posts
10/30/2017 1:03 pm

Porn stars trying to do math while on a Sybian ... in church wearing their Sunday finest. Now that would be a thing


40Deuce replies on 10/30/2017 5:31 pm:
That would have to be a pretty liberal church

smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
10/30/2017 7:13 pm

-Did the top have an answer key or how did they know if the math was done correctly ?

The top was a former math teacher! So I'm guessing he did.

God I hate it when I inadvertently use a symbol that causes a dick to appear in the middle of what I'm typing.


40Deuce replies on 10/31/2017 5:42 pm:
BDSM people are teaching our children ? What would the founding fathers think ?!?!

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